#1
I?m turning over a new leaf:
Finally, I?m ready ? so, I swallow
Hard, and traipse around for an hour,
Nicotine patched, chewing on
Pieces of rubber, my nails, pen-caps,
Quivering like a shitting dog,
Peeling the skin around the tips of
My fingers and scratching profanities
Into brick walls with nails. I pace,
Forwards, backwards, the tangy,
Glorious scent of ?The Last One?
Glides from the wallpaper, seeps down
My gullet, and fucks me harder and
Faster than he is her on the channel that I
Perhaps really shouldn?t be watching.
So I tear down the paper and rugs to
The floorboards, chisel the plaster,
I scrap the sofa, paintings, everything ?
And squat in a pool of wood-boarded
Nothing, yet still I bite my nail-less
Fingers and gasping, I inhale?

Oh, for fuck?s sake.
"You can never quarantine the past."
Last edited by broken_bottles at Jul 30, 2006,
#3
its not bad but there are parts of it that kind of wreck it for me
like the dog part and the

My gullet, and ****s me harder and
Faster than he is her on the channel that I

its weird and its worded weird for me i don't know

other then that is pretty good, nice word choice and it paints a good picture
i am going to guess this is about giving up something possibly cigs
i can see why you were nominated for WoTM
overall its pretty good but some parts seem like they were put in there to be overly strange

check out my if you like https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=402900
#4
A very interesting take on Nicotine withdrawl and falling at quiting. I would have mentioned all the **** you should be coughing up but I suppose you gave up quick. I liked alot of the imagery but disliked anything with profanity. It does draw teh reader in because of it's unorthodox flow and high pace, but you are no Cummings. I suppose it communicates teh scattered mind-state you were in. Pretty darn good

Crit mine if you will: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=402453
Jesse Wants To Die Just As Much As You Want Him Dead