#1
As it's exactly 0:00 in England, I can post another song!
So here it is... yet again off my band's forthcoming EP, and you can listen to a diabolical recording of Anarchy Heart with awful vocals on our myspace.

This one's about rejection, pretty much. Not from a relationship, but from a group you try to fit into, although I did try to present it as a romantic relationship.
Enjoy!


THE UNDERPASS

I'm not the lover with the misspelled name,
Forgotten player in our tragic game
Silences murdered by the broken glass
Love letters blowing around the underpass

[Still feels like I'm preaching to the converted
Still feels like I'm preaching to the deserted
Still feels like I'm preaching to the perverted
I'm underground and I deserve it]

I've come to lose all sense of consciousness
Breaking and giving in to my regrets
This loneliness is all that I have found
Discarded poems of the underground

[Still feels like I'm preaching to the converted
Still feels like I'm preaching to the deserted
Still feels like I'm preaching to the perverted
I'm underground and I deserve it]
#2
Liked the First verse alot. Teh chorus leaves alot to be desired, and teh perverted line I just really didn't like. The 2nd verse is okay but lacks what I liked so much about the first one. Overall not bad. Best of Luck with the band.
Jesse Wants To Die Just As Much As You Want Him Dead
#3
Quote by Knife2aGunFight
Liked the First verse alot. Teh chorus leaves alot to be desired, and teh perverted line I just really didn't like. The 2nd verse is okay but lacks what I liked so much about the first one. Overall not bad. Best of Luck with the band.


Hehe, I always end up explaining the 'perverted' bit! I don't mean it in the kind of 'rapist' perverted sense, but the sense of lost innocence... still, if that's how you interpreted it, I like your way of thinking.
#4
Without wanting to echo the previous reply, I must say I tend to agree. The first verse is excellent and though theres nothing wrong with the second verse per se, it just lacks the poetry and poignancy of the first. As for the chorus, I have no issues with the perverted line, but it just doesn't do anything for me. Sorry if this seems a little harsh. I do, however, love that first verse and intend to check out further material from you on the basis of that. Will be sure to give your EP a listen.
#5
sounds like a pretty good song if u put some heavy guitar riff in there and sing it well...
#6
I really liked this. The chorus needs just a tad bit more though...Great song dude.
#7
Quote by Aidy Damage
As it's exactly 0:00 in England, I can post another song!
So here it is... yet again off my band's forthcoming EP, and you can listen to a diabolical recording of Anarchy Heart with awful vocals on our myspace.

This one's about rejection, pretty much. Not from a relationship, but from a group you try to fit into, although I did try to present it as a romantic relationship.
Enjoy!


THE UNDERPASS

I'm not the lover with the misspelled name,
Forgotten player in our tragic game
Silences murdered by the broken glass
Love letters blowing around the underpass

i like this, nice start. you made good use of descriptions, imagery, and i like the whole relationship-metaphor. it may look like the average love song, but if you read between the lines you can see it's not. nice job on that!

[Still feels like I'm preaching to the converted
Still feels like I'm preaching to the deserted
Still feels like I'm preaching to the perverted
I'm underground and I deserve it]

this isn't bad, but i'm not too fond of the repetition. i thought this stanza was a bit cliché too, idk, feels like i've read this before. it fits the song though, so i'll stop whining

I've come to lose all sense of consciousness
Breaking and giving in to my regrets
This loneliness is all that I have found
Discarded poems of the underground

nice flow in this one. wasn't too fond of the first line, wasn't too good compared to the rest you wrote here and in the first stanza. same with the third line i think. i do like the message and the rhymes and all, though.

[Still feels like I'm preaching to the converted
Still feels like I'm preaching to the deserted
Still feels like I'm preaching to the perverted
I'm underground and I deserve it]

tnq for getting to mine