#2
Nice voice. I like it when you let it crack a little. Nice touch.

The guitar playing was a bit too simple for my tastes, but that's just my opinion. It fit the song well, but it needs something extra... a little piano, some strings... something.

Ouch... you went a little flat for a second.

You also seem to have some timing issues. They're slight, but I caught them.... not the ending though... I like the way you let it slow down and die.

Now, I will tell you that I only give honest crits. I hear what I hear and make no apologies for it. I see no need in sugar coating anything that I crit. If I don't like what I hear, I usually just pass it by and not say a word.... so you now know that I did like your song. I'm only pointing out the few little things that can make it, and you better.
#3
I appreciate the honesty. Yes i do go flat - i wasn't really able to sing "properly" because it's quite late here so I'm trying to keep it down. Nonetheless I could've done it again - no excuse I suppose.

I was thinking I might redo this with the piano actually - haven't really done anything solely on that. would be fun.

I'll watch out for those timing issues next time.

Thanks for a crit worth taking note of
#4
Quote by fmq123
I appreciate the honesty. Yes i do go flat - i wasn't really able to sing "properly" because it's quite late here so I'm trying to keep it down. Nonetheless I could've done it again - no excuse I suppose.

I was thinking I might redo this with the piano actually - haven't really done anything solely on that. would be fun.

I'll watch out for those timing issues next time.

Thanks for a crit worth taking note of


I have that same problem ( the late problem ) And, I must say it sucks, huh?
As for the song, very beautiful voice. The guitar may be simple, but it suits it perfectly.
It's quite sad I must say. Nothing too bad to say, but if you've got any more songs I'd love to hear them.
#5
Hi fatima I think the last time i talked to you on here(about a year a go) i think i might have proposed....so what is it, yes or no? hehe...
I always love your voice, it's piercing and beautiful. Listen to Bill43 he really knows his stuff, I myself didnt really hear it (the flatness) The piano and strings would perfect for this song, it's already an emotional song. So who is this guy? ,want me to kick his ass?
Now Is Not The Time To Cry....Now's The Time To Find Out Why!!!!
#6
Beautifully simple. Thought the lyrics and vocals were great. A piano piece would add another dimension as well as adding a different chord around 1:35 (kiss on rooftop part) and around 2:00, but they're not necessary. Overall, a beautiful emotional song.

I'm not sure if you were looking for a crit on the recording, but there was a lot of distracting white noise.

Crit4Crit?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=404105
#7
I like your voice. Very pretty. How did you record the acoustic, its easy to hear the room noises. I dont like that, but it doesnt bother me. How much more powerful can you sound? Youre singing like you dont want to piss your neighbors off. You could do some of the higher stuff better.

Edit, I should have read the other posts before I posted this. They all said the same things. I is good, and I'd like to hear you record it again perhaps.

Could you do mine, its not your style but I would suggest the one called dreams.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=403564
Last edited by AloneInMyPlace at Jul 30, 2006,
#8
Thanks for taking the time out to listen and reply guys

blinnk16 - yeah I have got more songs - if you click on the same link and then look at all the music - all the songs on the upper half of the page are my own originals - the covers are inthe 2nd half.


Spudric - haha... it's been that long?? and the offer still stands?? *woohoo* I'll start looking for that dress now then hehe. Anyway to the serious bit - once I figure out something on the piano I will rerecord this (I WILL) and the guy is a jackass but he's coming in use inspiration wise. Let me get a couple more songs out of him and then yeah why not

Alone - yeah the noise is usually less cos the guitar is louder and I put some sort of effort into placing the mic correctly and what not - but as I explained before - volume was an issue. heh. Rerecord I shall *fingers crossed* Thankyou for listening and the crit is done
#9
Amazing. Simply put, dude, your voice just makes me shudder with how beautiful it is, like seriously. I mean, the instruments are ok. The guitar is simple, but i'd have to say, only to augment how nice your voice is. You're very talented. Great song, altho on my subwoofers the bass seemed to be really loud and thumping. Great song, no compliments or bullcrap.

Thanks for critting my song.
#10
Extremely beautiful voice. Not really my style or taste, but amazing voice.
My username is old, don't judge me (but old 311 is good)
#11
Wow, nice voice, the melody was also very nice. I really enjoyed it! I think maybe it could use some more instruments. I can understand if you want this to be a more acoustic thing but I think itd sound great with some drums and maybe even some strings put in there. I really like it though Great vibe.
#12
WOW!!! You have a GORGEOUS voice!!! I loved the song. The guitar was simple but it fit the song perfectly. I could spot the timing being off a fraction here or there, but thats just the perfectionist in me I'm going to listen to the rest of your stuff and damn, if you had a cd I sure as hell would buy it! I think either switching to solely piano or adding a piano harmony into certain parts of the song would set it off even more. Simply AMAZING. I'll have this song on repeat for a while Breathtaking voice!!! I want more! lol

mine - http://www.gotpix.com/forum/posts.php?catID=1&threadID=332&page=13#Bottom
#13
Fatima - as always, wonderfully sexy vocal, totally beautiful voice. You have a lot of talent and can write some great songs...however...

imo this one is a bit lifeless and dull - I get the idea of the 'mellow place' where you can immerse yourself in a song and become hypnotised by it...which is where this one is aimed I am guessing...but the danger of the mellow place is that it lives right next to the bored place, which contains the stop and eject buttons.

Anyhow, I hate to be negative - especially seeing as you are so talented and usually post such incredible tunes. So...err...sorry...but I hope you appreciate my honesty.
Top 5:
1) Only The Cool Climb - Tj1
2) My Favorite Dress - ~King_Of_Foolz~
3) She Once Was My Playmate - Tj1
4) Lovers Lullaby - KOF
5) Cold Dark Room - Ditda
#14
Thanks everyone Yes I know it's very bare instrumentation wise - and I will do it on the piano at some point. Thanks for all the ideas anyhoo!

ElectricMonk - I do appreciate the honesty... I just hope you like the next one heh. always look forward to your crits
#15
Awesome! You voice is great. Its nice to listen to unlike alot of this screamo crap around these days. Guitar is ok I guess. It fits the song well. If that was me I probably would have wrecked it all with a solo or something but you've kept it nice and simple. Your voice has to be the best thing though. You sing like a pro. Keep it up!

Not really your type of thing but could you crit this? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=6400764#post6400764