#1
This is a song I wrote a couple years ago that I just found on my computer... Crit away!

DAWN OF THE VAMPIRE

(Verse I)
Sucking veins dry turning their own black and cruel,
Blocking out the sky with their wings of black jewel.
Fangs of white steel reaching deep into our hearts,
Infecting our brains poisoned veins now it starts.

Blood stained claws ruthless killing by the score,
Hopeless lost souls countless slaughtered for the war.
The last white flags bleached with blood from the dead,
Final words of peace killed before they were said.

(Chorus)
It?s the dawn of the vampire age of endless war,
Now that we?ve attacked they?ve got honor to restore.
Ageless blood feuds we?ve got dept to repay,
No one?s satisfied till the others dying day.

(Verse II)
Now it?s begun and there?s now where to hide,
Children, mothers, fathers, killed without pride.
Rape the Earth clean of every peaceful nation,
No end in sight for this heartless decimation.

Rip through us like shadows tearing through our homes,
Separating families we?re weaker when alone.
No pity on our lives no mercy for our souls,
They?ll keep up this war till they gain total control.

(Chorus)

(Verse III)
Anger now consumes us hatred fills our minds.
Gotta act quick now running out of time.
Need to stop the war so we load up our guns,
Blast them all away kill the children just for fun.

Celebrate our victory wave the flag high,
Just in time to see our death raining from the sky.
Countless hoards of enemies rain on us like fire,
Come to return the favor make our death tole higher.
(^I really don't like that line, any advice?)

Gather up our soldiers wage one final battle,
Power up the big guns make the world rattle.
Blast them from the sky dump their bodies in the sea,
Poison all the land destroying that which once was free.

(Chorus)

We won with heavy losses sacrificed the world,
Demolished everything we were fighting to preserve.
Scorched the sky black and burned the rivers dry,
Now that we survived we can all sit here and die.
#2
I have to say this was a very original song. I like the subject matter and I like the way how it is so blatant. I mean, who wouldn't love a song about vampires. On top of that it flowed very well. Nice job.

Crit mine please

Heaven on Earth
#3
"Scorched the sky black and burned the rivers dry." hmm, destruction to the air and water by flame sounds like an interesting explanation/keep writing
#4
I'm glad I don't live in the little world in your head.
I LOVE YOU JESUS CHRIIIIST
JESUS CHRIST I LOVE YOU
YES I DOOOO