#1
crit4crit

I SWEAR TO GOD...

One day I'll forget you
You'll disappear and I won't miss you
'Til then you haunt my dreams
You are my world, my everything
I could never stop obsessing
I love the way you posses me
And what better way to kill the time
Than wishing you were mine

No, I'm not blind to the truth
I prefer to play the fool
I know you'll never love me
The way I love you

Someone will always love holiness
You'll never live in loneliness
You'll never need my love
Long as you radiate like a million suns
I'd really like to get to know you
But even the angels are below you
They'll proclaim your divinity
Until the end of infinity

No, I'm not blind to the truth
I prefer to play the fool
I know you'll never love me
The way I love you

Could you ever understand why
For you I'd give my life
I'd choose you over Heaven anyday
Without you, how could it be a perfect place
I wonder if you are a blessing or a curse
And realize you are Heaven on earth
My eternal happiness
Is our everlasting kiss

No, I'm not blind to the truth
I prefer to play the fool
I know you'll never love me
The way I love you
Last edited by themarsvolta at Jun 6, 2009,
#3
I really really like that, mostly because it explains how I feel about this girl in my life...
the only thing I don't like is the rhyming scheme, but thats just me.

Absolutely love the last verse

keep it up

oh and, just cause its neat... hehe when my hair was longer, people would say i look like I should be in the Mars Volta... if you listen to y101, Sludge from the mornings now, met him, he said I look exactly like the singer in Mars Volta..
#4
Vury vury nice! This is a true love song through and through. Do you have music for it? It's be really cool to hear it sung. Keep up the good work!
#5
oh man, F***!!, this is a really really rerally good song. ^like he said, true love song... man thats brilliant man, brilliant... but i think this is one of the best love songs ive ever seen. wow, i can really relate to that chorus too man. great job,
oh, for the sake of critting: i kinda disliked the way you worded the first part of the chorus, i like the idea you got across but didnt feel the wording... i dont know, great job on this overall though, like i said, awesome love song

i was about to ask you to crit back but i realized you did, so instead ill thank you for your crit.
Last edited by AmplifySilence at Jul 30, 2006,
#6
Wow, all I can say is that is really sappy. But in a really good way. The rhyming was good, teh chorus was catchy, seems like you started to write the song wanting to forget her but you failed. Good song

I don't have anything new per se but this is the second version of a song you already critiqued https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=402453
Jesse Wants To Die Just As Much As You Want Him Dead
#8
well i have to say at first i thought it was just another chessy love songs but it surprised me and i really like it......soo keep it up and thatnks for the crit
#9
cool. i enjoyed it. seems raw and emotional.

"And what better way to kill the time
Than wishing you were mine"

those lines stuck out to me. digin it.
LAISSEZ LES BON TEMPS ROULER
#10
powerfull. show this to the person your thinking of....................they'll be flattered
When the power of love conquers the love of power, the world will know peice- hendrix