#1
Here's a story for you.


Well Jonas River, he?s a friend of mine
We go to parties, and drink red wine
Until one day Jonas boarded a train
And left me all alone

Well now Jonas traveled all around
Through the tunnels and across the sounds
He swam the mountains, and climbed the seas
But when he came home, he said to me

?Hey pal, I?ve missed the days
When you and I left to stay
We?ll take a train to the highest place
And give the world a brand new face?

Now I sat back in my chair
And through the wind, blew my hair
I pondered the meaning of this phrase
And came to realize it was just the base

The next morning right at dawn
I awoke from a dream I thought had gone
Jonas stepped out from the balcony
And from his pocket me gave to me

Two boat tickets that lead to a train
Across the seas and to the plains
I grabbed my bag and began to spin
When out of nowhere Jonas grinned

Upon this day he said to me
?Come on kid it?s time to flee
Get your bags and hit the road
Before the cops get the load?

Jonas opened up his black suede bags
And revealed to me his bags of Scag
He pulled a gun out to my head, and said
?Come on kid here comes the feds?

He grabbed me by my limber hand
And took me to a broken land
Jonas showed his bags to the brothers and sons
And led them all to a misery of fun

Now I don?t know what?s to happen to me
But I can tell you I want you all to be free
So when you see Jonas come around
Tell him to hit the road, protect your town
#2
I really enjoyed reading this song. It had a very narrative quality to it. Very detailed imagery. And the way it flowed was perfect. Keep up the good work.

Crit mine please

I Love Your Show
#3
I liked it, it flowed well and showed good imagery. Kinda seems Dylanish.

The end is kinda not where I thought it was going though.

8/10
Its how you look and how you feel
#4
extremely visual. Like reading a short story. Great imagery. Great job
#5
If you gave this weird little cartoon illustrations it could be like a Dr. Seuss story. Interesting song though.