#1
This is a thing I wrote a bit ago. I don't really like how I ended it, but I couldn't think of anything better to end it with.

Walking
Along the street
His hands in his pockets
He don't know what to say
Crying softly he makes his way home
A place to be alone
It's the place where he thinks
Thinks about all those bad things
Which he shouldn't of done
Realizing that nobody won
And now its time to pay
Ooh hey yeah can't you see him now
Wishing he could shove it all away

Past
Came back to haunt him
They left him in the cold rain
Where he could suffer all the pain
For the things he wishes he could change
Such as the girl he ****ed up with
Now she must think he's an ass
And it'll probally never come to pass
Ooh hey yeah he wishes it wasn't his fault
But life just slipped like salt
Right out of his hands

He
Opened the door
To his home
That self made hell
Approached his room
Opened the drawer
Got his gun
And was walking to the roomdoor
When he stumbled and fell
Down into the floor
And his head hit the wood
Then he realized something
Something he never did before
Death isn't the only way
Oh hey yeah All he's got to do is change
And his friends will return once more
No more drunken fights
And no more mental harm
Was like a bad luck charm
Now the tale is done
He fixed himself
Will others do the same
I LOVE YOU JESUS CHRIIIIST
JESUS CHRIST I LOVE YOU
YES I DOOOO
#2
Alright its a really dark thing and I dont really like such stuff.. dunno
But I have to say the ending was alright, just like a message that did arrive, you know..
But some lines didnt flow very well, like the thing with the 'ass' and the 'salt' I didnt like the comparison
#3
it's dark but i like. "No more drunken fights" "And no more mental harm".-really place worthy lines. keep it up!
#4
Quote by guitaraddict182
Alright its a really dark thing and I dont really like such stuff.. dunno
But I have to say the ending was alright, just like a message that did arrive, you know..
But some lines didnt flow very well, like the thing with the 'ass' and the 'salt' I didnt like the comparison


Yeah, I have a bit of trouble doing comparisons. I usually don't write songs this dark, but at least it's not like trendy dark (I wanna kill myself wahh stuff).

Quote by merkalos666
it's dark but i like. "No more drunken fights" "And no more mental harm".-really place worthy lines. keep it up!


Thanks.

Any other crits, comments, etc.?
I LOVE YOU JESUS CHRIIIIST
JESUS CHRIST I LOVE YOU
YES I DOOOO
Last edited by lithium500 at Jul 31, 2006,