#1
Forgive And Forget

As I tremble my apologies
For my fatal exodus
You look into my eyes
And leave your lips shut

The bloody sabbath's over
The apocalypse subsided
I'm begging for forgiveness
As you spit into my face

And I stand here staring [staring]
Into your porcelain sky as I wait for the
End of the searing pain ripping me apart
[Just forget it already]

And now you [ignore my pleas for you
To let me live again
Hiding away in the great abyss
Waiting for another day to come for when I
Beg at your disgusting feet again

And I remember
The days when you stole
Raped, burned, blasphemed
And you still live for those sins
But for one pitiful revenge attempt
I face your ****ing noose
But I'll never let myself in!]

And I stand here staring [staring]
Into your porcelain sky as I wait for the
End of the searing pain ripping me apart
[Just forget it already]

And I stand here staring [staring]
Into your porcelain sky as I wait for the
End of the searing pain ripping me apart
[Just forget it already

And kick the chair.]

((Also, the name Forgive And Forget doesn't really work for me so if you have suggestions that'd be nice, and the bracketed part is screaming.

If you've read any of my other songs you might start noticing a story or something. Just read them in the order of Another Day, Make Your Escape, this one, and Doubleshot of Arsenic, and you'll start to notice a trend hopefully. Leningrad isn't tied in with it.

Crit for Crit is welcome))
Quote by Keef-is-king
Seinfeld: The Video Game

It'd be a game about nothing. But it would be fantastic, better than the Sims by far because there would be more jews.
#5
For the name change, probably Porcelain Sky, although Fatal Exodus in the first stanza has a good sound to it.

I didn't get the bloody sabbath followed by the apocalypse references. It looks like you've used both to mean the same thing, but they weren't. The sabbath was, traditionally a Saturday (not a Sunday) where you stopped working just for the day. It has nothing to do with the apocalypse as far as I'm aware.

I'm not a fan of people screaming in songs, as it's not really singing, it's just shouting to noise, and there is no real emotion to be felt. The lyrics are good though, so I'll commend you on those.
#6
Pretty cool, I didn't like the 5th stanza though. I noticed a subtle rhyme between the first and second stanzas, "exodus" and "forgiveness" that would probly sound really good if those to stanzas are sung together without any break in between if the music allows it. Its kind of spread out but it sounded really good when I read it that way.
#8
Yeah, I've finished music for it on Power Tab and we're gonna record it in 2 weeks. Thanks for all the feedback.
Quote by Keef-is-king
Seinfeld: The Video Game

It'd be a game about nothing. But it would be fantastic, better than the Sims by far because there would be more jews.
#9
I love your choice of words, and I especially love the chorus (the porcelain sky part). I can really image this with music. It sounds great.
It's difficult to win unless you're bored.
#12
Lol all i read was double shot of arsenic and the leningrad part...kinda sound sliek a rasputin reference.

Originally Posted by grungefan89
Geeze, why don't you just give the kid a pistol to shoot at his head? Telling someone to go buy a B.C. Rich - and on a budget - is like giving someone a gun and telling them to commit suicide.