#1
I have never written a full lyric so I know this one is WAY cheesy but i think i can go somewhere with it. Any USEFUL critiques will be greatly apprectiated (Crit-for-crit if you would like)

Intro/Verse 1
There was a man who had his goals
His dreams he thought no one could take
But he took his eyes from the target
He let his dreams die

Don?t ever let it die

Chorus
So build a fire and give me my guitar
I could play as long as this flame burns
And when it burns itself out you will find me here
Trying my best to keep it alive

Verse 2
And sure the stars are miles away
That doesn?t stop you from making your own
Within reach of the world to touch
For the world to see

For the world to feel

Chorus
So build a fire and give me my guitar
I could play as long as this flame burns
And when it burns itself out you will find me here
Trying my best to keep it alive

Bridge
Never again will I let it die
I will keep my fire burning

Chorus
So build a fire and give me my guitar
I could play as long as this flame burns
And when it burns itself out you will find me here
Trying my best to keep it alive

Keep it alive
Originally posted by the_experience
andrewfox5 is on crack....that is all I have to say.
Last edited by andrewfox5 at Jul 31, 2006,
#2
I really like the chorus, its quite impressive. Very motivational.

There seem to be a few flow inconsistencies in the verses, but when you put it to music (if you havent already) you'll fix it or work around it.

Really good song, mine are linked in the sig.

also: thread title should just be the title, nothing else.
#3
Thanks I am looking at your "Lost in Plain Sight" now
Originally posted by the_experience
andrewfox5 is on crack....that is all I have to say.
#4
is there a way to change the thread title so it doesnt say that?
Originally posted by the_experience
andrewfox5 is on crack....that is all I have to say.
#6
Aawww shucks thanks No more critiques?
Originally posted by the_experience
andrewfox5 is on crack....that is all I have to say.
#8
I like this song. I imagine it being played acoustically around a campfire....in a cowboy hat. Hmmm.

the only thing I didn't care for were the lines:
"Within reach of the world to touch
For the world to see

For the world to feel"

The only other time you repeated something you did it once. This uses "the world to___" three times, and the last two are exactly the same except for the last word. I don't think it would bug me as much, except for the fact that the line, "within reach of the world to touch" sounds...odd.
#9
Yea it is a bit odd isn't it haha as soon as I find the right chord progression and sound I want for these lyrics I'm sure I will be making some changes. At least I hope....
Originally posted by the_experience
andrewfox5 is on crack....that is all I have to say.