#1
This is the first time I've actually written down a full song and have been happy with it. It's about this girl that i'm always on and off with and she can never make up her mind with me and once were both together she forgets about me in 2 days (Iv'e dealt with her too long). Guys i need crit I really wanna get into songwritting. If i change something later I'll edit my post.


Tired Of You

You wild eyed girls are always driving me mad
Your making me think your the best that I've had
Everything you do just drives me crazy
When you tell me you love me and act like you hate me

And I'll never wait for you to tell me you care
With your crazy eyes and your wild long brown hair
Cause I know your gonna do it again and come knocking on my door
Well I wouldn't care if you just dropped dead on the floor

You don't know what you want you don't know what you need
So you drink from the cup and bite the hand that feeds
Stop telling me you care and stop wasting my time
Stop making me think that your gonna be mine

And I'll never wait for you to tell me that you care
With your crazy eyes and your wild long brown hair
Cause I know your gonna do it again and come knocking on my door
Well I wouldn't care if you just dropped dead on the floor

And it's not the first time you've let me down
You picked me up then dropped me on the ground
How do i know this time you've finally changed
If your in love with somone else in just a couple of days

And I'll never wait for you to tell me that you care
With your crazy eyes and your wild long brown hair
Cause I know your gonna do it again and come knocking on my door
Well I wouldn't care if you just dropped dead on the floor
Last edited by private at Aug 1, 2006,
#2
You wild eyed girls are always driving me mad
Your making me think that your the best that I've had
Everything you do just drives me crazy
When you tell me you love me and act like you hate me
I've been a writer on newspaper staff for four years now. So, that's why I believe you should take out the word "that" in the second line. Un-needed articles are the pits.

And I"ll never wait for you to tell me that you care
With your crazy eyes and your wild long brown hair
Cause I know your gonna do it again and come knocking on my door
Well I wouldn't care if you just dropped dead on the floor
I think it would flow better (because the syllables in the first and second line would be closer together) if you took out the "that" in the first line here. haha. Other than that, this is good.

You don't know what you you don't know what you need
So you drink from the cup and bite the hand that feeds
Stop telling me you care and stop wasting my time
Stop making me think that your gonna be mine
The second line shows that cliches are okay if used effectively. Good stanza. What genre is this by the way? I'm singing it in my head as a kind of pop-punk.

And I"ll never wait for you to tell me that you care
With your crazy eyes and your wild long brown hair
Cause I know your gonna do it again and come knocking on my door
Well I wouldn't care if you just dropped dead on the floor

And it's not the first time you've let me down
You picked me up then dropped me back on the ground
How do i know this time you've finally changed
If your in love with somone else in just a couple of days
I'd remove the word "back" in the second line for flow. We know where you're being dropped -it's sorta implied- and removing that word makes the first and second lines both have 10 syllables which makes it flow better - in my opinion. Still good though.

And I"ll never wait for you to tell me that you care
With your crazy eyes and your wild long brown hair
Cause I know your gonna do it again and come knocking on my door
Well I wouldn't care if you just dropped dead on the floor
#3
not bad lyrics...but what kinda song it is music style?
Roses are red
Voilets are blue
The only bulge in my pocket is my wallet
No i'm not happy to see you
#4
Pretty cool song. I had Self Esteem stuck in my head and its flows with that if its the same style at all.
#5
I guess it's kind of alternative and pop punk. Thatnks for the crit toast demon I'll work on that now cause i agree with you. I added that cause i had the music written so it could fit. I can deffinetly see where your coming from when your thinking of self esteem I thought of that when i wrote the music but the progressions like I-IV-VII-I
Last edited by private at Aug 1, 2006,