#1
Okay, this is my second song on here and I think its much batter than the first one.
Just tell me what you think about it and where I could change things because Im not sure with the Bridge. Dont know wheter I should use it as a second chorus instead of repeating the Chorus or just let it be a Bridge....
Thx

Verse: Like blinded dogs, sitting all day
In a little room, listening to what they say
To follow their rules, stay in line
Stop it now, time to make up your mind

Bridge: This is our time
I'll make it mine
Let the music flow
through your veins
and simply feel alive

Chorus: Time is running out
Dont even think about
Jaded hanging around
Jump up and down
and scream out loud

Verse: Feeling like the microphone, theyre screaming in
But I dont want to repeat, the words theyre saying
Today I will be the one, to sing the words aloud
I need you as my amplify, need you as my crowd

Bridge
Chorus

Verse: We have to be the fingers, that play the guitar
Not the tones that're played, by some other star
So go ahead and get some voice, to sing the words aloud
I need you as my amplify, as were getting loud

Bridge
Chorus

M8: Fed up with all day life / its boring
Sick of everyday problems / they suck
Do something to get alive / come on now
Jump up and down
SCREAM: IM ALIVE! 4X

Chorus

So thats it.
As I said I'm not sure about the bridge thing. Seems to extend the song in a very very long size...
But just tell me what you think
and leave a link
so I can crit your thing
#4
thanks for the crit, i cant claim any credit for the song its my bassists shes a genius (imo)

your basic ideas is fairly good

i like these two verses
Verse: Feeling like the microphone, theyre screaming in
But I dont want to repeat, the words theyre saying
Today I will be the one, to sing the words aloud
I need you as my amplify, need you as my crowd

Bridge
Chorus

Verse: We have to be the fingers, that play the guitar
Not the tones that're played, by some other star
So go ahead and get some voice, to sing the words aloud
I need you as my amplify, as were getting loud


however the line i need you as my amplify dosnt make any sence to me, you cant really be an amplify as its a verb. IS english your first language?
"Why should we subsidise intellectual curiosity?"
-Ronald Reagan

"Knowledge is in every country the surest basis of public happiness."
-George Washington
#6
NOPE
English is NOT my first language
So I would appreciate it if you would be patient with my SPELLIG and wrong word use....

But thx for your crit
I thought amplify was a noun....:-D
Well stupid little german child....:-D
#7
^
no problem man

i didn mean to sound impatient, i think the song is good and could be steller if those errors are straigtened out. Hell i sure couldnt write a song in german, and my spelling in english licks ass
"Why should we subsidise intellectual curiosity?"
-Ronald Reagan

"Knowledge is in every country the surest basis of public happiness."
-George Washington
#8
I think you mean "I need you as my amplifier". Seeing as you're German I'll go through this and change it a bit for you.

Like blinded dogs, sitting all day
In a little room, listening to what they say
To follow their rules, stay in line
Stop it now, time to make up your mind


That was a bit here and there. It manages to stay together, but there is one too many syllables in the second line...Like blinded dogs, sitting all day; a little room...etc. Just stick the semi-colon on the end of the first line and get rid of the "a" in the second line and it sounds a lot better.

Bridge: This is our time
I'll make it mine
Let the music flow
through your veins
and simply feel alive


Chorus: Time is running out
Dont even think about
Jaded (?) hanging around
Jump up and down
and scream aloud


I think you should just double up these lines to form one stanza/chorus, as such:

This is our time, I'll make it mine
Let the music flow through your veins
And simply feel alive
Time is running out
Don't even think about (doesn't make sense to me and I can't quite grasp what you can do to fix this.)
Jaded hanging around
Jump up and down and scream aloud


Although it may look a bit different to what it was before, it actually makes the rhythm and flow easier to translate for readers. As for jaded, I really didn't know what you were wanting to say. I suppose you mean to say you are tired but I can't see how that fits with the words after it.

Feeling like the mic, they're screaming in
But I dont want to repeat the words they're saying
Today I will be the one to sing the words aloud
I need you as my amplifier, need you as my crowd


You don't always need commas everywhere to express a break, we can do that without the punctuation. Shortening microphone gets rid of unneeded syllables so the first two lines flow together better. As for the lyrics, they're okay, but I have to admit they have been done to death. I suggest trying out different styles. Have a look at lyrics from bands you wouldn't really listen to as much as, as your avatar suggests, Blink 182.

We have to be the fingers that play the guitar
Not the tones that are played by some other star
So go ahead and get some voice to sing the words aloud
I need you as my amplifier as we're getting louder


Just that last word really. You can sacrifice a perfect rhyme for a half-rhyme if it needs to make sense. Also, that're doesn't look that good, especially if you say it and it sounds exactly like that are. That was a bit needless really. Lyrically, again okay, but they don't grab my attention. You have to play about with the words, try something new and bold, or give the song from a different perspective at times.

M8: Fed up with all day life... it's boring
Sick of everyday problems...they suck
Do something to stay alive...come on now
Jump up and down
SCREAM: I'm alive! 4X


You don't need to capitalise something just to show that you want it screamed, that's what the exclamation mark does. Quick question; what does M8 mean? I'm probably being stupid and/or ignorant but I think it's better to ask than shrug off. It's better to use stay than get, just for clarity and to make sense. Lyrically speaking, it's good, although again the attention-grabbing writing isn't there.

Right then, I'm knackered so I'm off to have a lie down. Hopefully you got most of what I said.
#9
Good job. I was wondering what was going on when i read it but now it all makes sense. It is simple but it is still good. Keep on writing, good job.
#10
Thank you so much for all the corrections!!!
I'm really an newbie in songwriting so it means a lot to me getting help from you guys.
I'll work on that.

M8 is the Middle 8, the thing which is like the climax of the song and sounds a bit different as the rest of it (musically-> does this word even exsit???Whatever, hope you get what i mean.. :-P)
Thats the way I know it, but if theres someone knowing better, Im curious to learn...

Thx again!
#11
Cool verses, especially the first. The ending´s also pretty good. I think this´ll make a catchy song.

One hell of a lot better than your first one.
Some live, some die. And the rest of us just keep fighting eachother.