#1
A song that I wrote when I sat down with my acoustic one night.. very mellow sounding!

If I die today
Would a tear be shed?
As my Father takes me home

And if I die today
Would it really matter?
Even my dear friends feel
A billion miles away

The love I leave behind
Was the last thought in my mind
As my chest rises that one last time
During my dying breath

Would the angels gather
Would those choirs sing?
As the dirt covers my grave
As the tears fall from
The ones who really loved

If I die today
I will know
I am loved.
My gear:

MIJ Squier Stratocaster

Washburn WR150 Quilted Top

Oscar Schmidt Semi-hollow Delta King

Epiphone Hummingbird

Amps: Fender Eighty-Five
#2
That was pretty good, it was simple, straightforward and powerful. The imagery was good too, with the angels and choirs and such. The message was good as well, stick it to the emo kids with their black makeup and cut up wrists.
#3
I didn't really like this one, just because I've heard "if I died today, would anyone care" so many times and often, I find I wouldn't care. That being said, this still has potential to be a decent song if you have a great melody, chords etc... to go along with it. for better or for worse, lyrics are often secondary to a catchy melody and chord progression so that might save it. But in all honesty (and that's what we're here for) I didn't think this was the best you could do. Feel free to stick with that theme of "if I died, would anyone care" but try to art-it-up. Make some images instead of just bluntly asking us. You have to write this to MAKE us care. Use metaphors and examples to show us why you're someone we should care about. That'll make the song go from alright, to great, which this might have the potential to be.

Hopes this helps.
Cheers,
- PunkFish
#4
Actually.. it wasn't meant to stick it to anyone.

It was mainly written about confusion, about a friend who died in a car accident, and because of my beliefs. (The angels and what not.)

It was just a really tough time with the passing of my friend, so I thought I'd write a song that let's me know that everything would be OK.
My gear:

MIJ Squier Stratocaster

Washburn WR150 Quilted Top

Oscar Schmidt Semi-hollow Delta King

Epiphone Hummingbird

Amps: Fender Eighty-Five
#6
Thanks.
My gear:

MIJ Squier Stratocaster

Washburn WR150 Quilted Top

Oscar Schmidt Semi-hollow Delta King

Epiphone Hummingbird

Amps: Fender Eighty-Five
#7
I really liked the bit where it said 'Even my dear friends feel a billion miles away'

Good job.
Questions of science,
Science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart.


#8
Thanks ..

This might give me more confidence to start writing some actual music.
My gear:

MIJ Squier Stratocaster

Washburn WR150 Quilted Top

Oscar Schmidt Semi-hollow Delta King

Epiphone Hummingbird

Amps: Fender Eighty-Five
#9
t'was simple and short. . . . . kinda emo, dnt like that, but alot of ppl do so w/e, names kinda ripped off from "If I Die Tomorow" (Motley Crue). . . . i dnt like the word billion. . .sounds silly lol. . reele liked the chorus. . well put together. . . . but the last line that seems like the defining like in the song. . "i'll know i'm loved". . .doesn't seem like it has n e thing to do with the song. . . nowhere in the song is about how u'd be loved if u died. . . it was mostly just asking if u would be loved. . .u didn't reele show reason to put. . "i'll know i'm loved". . . but w/e. . . it's kool but it didn't reele do it for me. . . keep trying
And My Soul From Out That Shadow That Lies Floating On The Floor, Shall Be Lifted. . . Nevermore.
The Raven -Edgar Allen Poe
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
<<<<<<<<IT'S A FREAKIN BUNNY!O.o
#12
Hopefully you will, if I ever get my microphone fixed.
My gear:

MIJ Squier Stratocaster

Washburn WR150 Quilted Top

Oscar Schmidt Semi-hollow Delta King

Epiphone Hummingbird

Amps: Fender Eighty-Five