#1
Some stuff i wrote a month back or so...just looking for some feedback....im starting the writing process so im just a beginner......honest criticism please


The era of today was touched with a goodnight kiss
When the boy becomes man, his day will shine on hers
A beggar's wish is another's problem
Overlook the victims of sinner's hand


I mourn for the sweet princess
Cause the 7th deadly sin was love
Pulling me away, I found nothing
series of comebacks, but never a hello


It was our fire that made a beautiful fight
It was the candle that called out my name
The wind blows cold on our anniversary night
Forgive my lover and away with my flame


Never, will I call on you
I failed once and will fail again
Looking ahead for a guiding light
but finding a demons word
The blood of this is now tasteless
and the scars will never heal
the love was always non-existent
the love stands no more
#2
I really liked this poetry man. I think the meaning and delivery was very original and I'd give it a solid 9 on my scale. Totally enjoyed it!
#3
I can tell by the writing that you haven't been writing long, but I like the style that you have established. The flow was kind of like a rant or almost like beatnick poetry which I really like, so just work on your technical writing. I could see some good imagery and metaphore developing, but as I said you just need to get used to writing more. Overall this was pretty good and for a beginer its definitly awesome.https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=405800
Crit if you feel like it.
Thanks!