#1
This is the first song I've ever written where the lyrics and the music came together. I just need some honest advice about the delivery and the meaning held in these lyrics. Would be great if you could help me out! Thanks!

A Pirate's Song

Load your guns, we sail tonight.
Our lives are damned and feels so right.
These hands are scarred and covered in blood.
None can escape 'cause we are the flood.

So, now follow me;
a pirate's life for me.

We spread like fire, a burning disease.
We are who we are, and do as we please.
Sharp as this blade that glints in the sun.
Separate before, now united as one.

So, now follow me;
a pirate's life for me.

We'll make it through this watery hell.
(and damn sure we kill you well)
We'll make it through this watery hell.
(and damn sure we kill you well)

So, now follow me;
a pirate's life for me.

So, now follow me;
a pirate's life for me.
#2
this is just great! gotta get the music and lyrics together and recorded.. send me the link when its done
#4
Haha. Well, I certainly wasn't expecting anything thought provocative. This piece is simple and great...because it's about pirates (though ninjas totally are better). One thing I could offer as advice though, in your little bridge section, I think you should put another word in front of "damn sure we will kill you well" just to make it flow better when it is read.
Can You Fill In The Blanks?
#6
very good
Originally posted by the best of...
Vin Diesel was once asked if he believed in the idea of reincarnation. His response was simply "I used to be a plate of pancakes."
#8
See, someone else said this made them think of Flogging Molly and Irish drinking songs. I, on the other hand, thought of pirate-themed folk metal. Haha. Whatever though. To each their own.

The only thing I saw and didn't like was the second line.
"Our lives are damned and feels so right"

For the sake of grammar and my sanity, I think you should add the word "it" before feels. It's such a small word, I can hardly imagine it throwing off the flow, or not fitting with the music.
#9
This is good. Only things i can honestly say is that the "pirates life for me." is a little annoying because of the fact every one heard the disney movie songs that include that phrase. Also the "kill you well" part kinda seems forced andthat's about it. Great job
#10
Anything about pirates is good in my book. Actually the WOODnotes are working on a song called Jacque the Pirate. Good job.
#11
hey everyone thanks for the help! i changed the song a bit... ok maybe a lot... due to yours and others advice. if you have anything else to say please do. thanks again!
Last edited by _RockOnForever_ at Aug 3, 2006,