#1
I work at Sears as a cashier and it totally sucks. A lot of people that i have to deal with are absolutely ridiculous, including my boss and most customers. i've always wanted to write a dialogue on this theme and this is what i wrote. the ending is kinda weak because i just sat down and wrote. it runs out of steam at around halfway. any improvements upon the ending or the whole thing would be greatly appreciated. crit for crit.

Hi, thanks for shopping at Sears. Did you find everything ok?
Uh, this is a robbery.
What?
I'm robbing this store.
Dude, this is my first day.
Well, I'm sorry for not consulting your personal schedule and choosing a different day. God, these people.
What does that mean?
Nothing, just gimme all your money.
Yeah, that's not cliched.
Do you want to get shot or something? 'Cause I can easily arrange that.
Dude, I haven't even seen you pull a gun. I'm starting to doubt you even have one.
Oh yeah? Yeah?
Uh, yeah, I am pretty much certain that you don't have any sort of implement to even threaten me with.
Well, I could go get one of those hammers over there. Thats pretty threatening.
I guess you could.
Yeah, thats right. I kick ass!
Well, I'd have to disagree with that. First off, you decided to rob Sears. I mean, who the hell even shops at Sears? How much money do you think we have? God, these people. Also, you don't even have a gun. So how am I justified in giving you all the money in the register? I am in no greater threat than if I were completing a normal transaction. By stating these previous points, I have come to the conclusion that you do not, in fact, "kick ass".
It doesn't even matter. Just give me all the money!
Man, you're like a friggin broken record! If I give you the money, then I will most likely lose my job. Then I'll be screwed. I have to put two kids in college and pay off a second mortgage on my house and-
I don't want to hear your pathetic life story! God, these people.
The point I was getting at was that I don' t think that it would be in my greater interest to give you this money.
Dude! Just give me the stupid money!
God, you're like a friggin broken record! Will you shut up if I just empty the cash register?
That's what I have been saying for the past ten minutes!
Alright fine. Oh, hang on, let me help this guy first.
Hurry up.
Hi. Thanks for shopping at Sears. Did you find everything ok?
Well, actually, I was wondering if you could call another location to see if you have this drill advertised in the catalogue. I looked around and couldn't find it.
Well, I could call another location but I could look it up in the computer to see if we have any in stock here. It could save you a trip.
I believe I asked you to call another location. The customer is always right so you have to do what I want! God, these people.
Hey! Have you forgotten about this whole robbery thing? I mean, c'mon, don't make me wait here. I have to pick up my daughters from soccer practice at six.
Wait! You're robbing Sears of all places? Who the hell shops at Sears? How much money do you think they even have?
Thats what I tried to tell him, but he just wouldn't listen. Just keeps going on about giving him the money, like a broken record, this one is.
Just shut up and give me the money so I can leave already!
See! What did I just tell you?
Just shut up and call the other store so I can leave already!
God, these people. I haven't been trained in using the phone so let me call my manager.
Fine. Just hurry up.
Yeah. Hurry up.
<manager to the cash register, manager to the cash register>
What do you want?
Well, this guy wants to know if we have that drill in the catalogue at a different store and I don't know how to use the phone. And this guy wants all of the money because this is a robbery. I'm sure that he will tell you within the next several seconds.
Like he said, give me the money!
Call the store first!
Wait, you're robbing Sears? Who the hell shops at Sears? How much money do you think we even have?
Dude, just give me the money. I have to leave here to run through the McDonald's Drive-Thru and pick up my kids from soccer practice. I'm in kind of a hurry so just do it.
Wait, you're feeding your kids McDonald's? Do you want them to be fat, or do you just not love them?
Hey! The minute you start raising kids, you can talk to me about parenting, but until then just shut up and open the register!
Call the store first!
I don't even know how to open the cash register. I forgot it from the training session.
You forgot how to open the cash register? I can't believe it. Maybe it was a mistake hiring you. Unbelievable.
Are you kidding me? Its my first day! I'm getting fired because I can't give a sub-par robber money from the register? God, these people. It's all your fault, you stupid bum!
Will somebody call the goddamn store?!
Well, maybe if you would have opened it before your boss got here, then you wouldn't have been fired. It isn't my fault.
Well, maybe if you were a better parent and actually watched your daughters' soccer practice, then you wouldn't need to rob stores (Sears, of all places!) for money because then you would realize that your daughters are the real wealth that you have and that you don't need materials such as money to be truly fulfilled.
Well, maybe if you paid more attention during training then you wouldn't be getting fired.
God, these people!
<BLAM! BLAM!>
Dude, I can't believe that you just shot those two dudes! You had a gun that whole time and didn't tell me! Why didn't you let me borrow that?
I think you're a dumbass.
Well, you're the dumbass.
Well, why's that?
That stupid drill was over there the whole time. You totally suck!
Shut up!
<BLAM!>
Man, this drill is nice!
Thank. . .you and have . . . .a nice day.
You can't say that,. . . . your fired.
This was. . .. . . . my first day! God. . . these. .. . . . people!

FIN