#1
First attempt at a rap, this came at about 4 this morning in one big burst and is hasn't been rehashed in the transfer to the PC. Leave a link/title and I'll do a crit-for-crit, all comments welcome.

Ghetto Reality

This cannot be shattered because it ain't no illusion,
The confusion and the funny kind of fusion of all your emotions,
You know that you can't let yourself go, can't let up can't let no one know,
Got to bottle it up inside, out here everyone got something to hide,
And everyone, face to face, from place to place, all these people who gotta put on mental facades,
And thought it ain't game, far from it, this life is like a simple house of cards,
Any second it can fall, your back's up against the wall, any second it could end,
And you know you're your only friend as far as you can see, this is simply your reality,
This hellhole, this living with a tainted soul,
It seems there ain't no end in reach; you get shot if preach and fucked up if you try to teach,
There ain't no room for a mistake no place to break down and cry,
Living and fear and shame by the bullet but sometimes you gotta either kill or die,
You can't trust no one, survival is luck and a bitter fight to the end,
You haven't got a single person you'd dare to call your friend,
And it doesn't take a genious 'cause even a blind man could see,
That for too many people this life is reality,
'Cause day after day, there ain't no other way,
Like being shackled in chains in the path of an oncoming train,
Sometimes you've got to die before you're free,
And this ghetto lifestyle is a harsh reality.
#2
hey.
For a first attempt, I think it's fairly decent. I think the topic is a little overdone, I'd like to see you try another with maybe a less typical rap topic. There must be other things that bother gangsta's. Seriously though, this was pretty decent as a first time though there are times you I think the rhymes are a little too forced or the syllables in the words break up the rhythm somewhat awkwardly, but I still give you 7/10, so keep it up and it'll only get better.

Hope this helps. If you could crit my song, Hail Mary that would be incredible.

Cheers,
- PunkFish
#3
Hey man, for a first rap, this is pretty good, it had a good, though often-used message, but there were some flow issues in there, have you actually tried rapping it? Not bad though, for a beginner.

It would be great if you checked out one of the raps in my sig, please? Thank!