#1
okey, heres another song from my bassist (she really should set up her own account) i cant take any credit for this song. as always links will be critted. be nice

My hands are too busy to pay
Attention to you right now,
Your screaming as I stand rigidly still
?You gotta fix this somehow?
Versus
?I think I am leaving you about now?
This is no love and 100 complications
This is me leaving you to fix your own situations
I?ve got to be honest your just a line in my book
You?re my muse for my songs lacking a hook


__
CHORUS [Still under construction, suggestions would help]
Yes I think that looks suits you
Why don?t you go **** that guy too
This was always you, never me
This was meaningless, you?ll see.
__


A step forward to a blue unknown
I can hear your voice changing a tone
?I never loved you much anyway?
means
?I must forget you someway?

CHORUS X1

This is me closing my eyes to your stare,
This is you holding me up to compare
Your trying desperately to make this right
?If we try darling it might work, it might?
I?d really rather you?d loosen your grip on my hand
These lies and your new scene are extremely hard to stand

So [maybe] this is me
Breaking all those promises
So [maybe] this is me
letting go of your hand
so [maybe] this is me
forgetting you completely

WHISPER : I just cant, I just cant.
"Why should we subsidise intellectual curiosity?"
-Ronald Reagan

"Knowledge is in every country the surest basis of public happiness."
-George Washington
#2
Personally I think it's ****e. Really, who the **** is this girl? What a crock of ****.
Not Hitler + No Holocaust
No Winter + No Santa-Clause
#3
^
didn you write it

all credit goes to her
"Why should we subsidise intellectual curiosity?"
-Ronald Reagan

"Knowledge is in every country the surest basis of public happiness."
-George Washington
#4
To begin with, I can't feel that this is something other than just somone wanting to write a song and doing that without emotion... Sorry, but thats just my opinion... I do have some suggestions to the chorus that might help though:

Yes I think that looks suits you
Why don?t you go **** that guy too
This was always you, never me
This was meaningless, you?ll see.

I'm confused with this, it probably doesn't have anything to do with this but I have to ask... Did a girl write this, cuz then "Why don?t you go **** that guy too" get really advanced (girl dating a bisexual?). Or do I just don't get it?

I the suggestionpart I have to say that I would cut the first two lines and start out with "This was always you...". In addition to that I probably would make some kind of a clarity to the whole song ( this leaves room for a lot of metaphores) like saying that its over basicly (if that's the message) and if you want to be more agressive but still concearning you could say that he's (if it is a he) just not good enough, this often looks like you still care (don't know why, it just does).

Hope I could be some help, I've written about the same thing check it out, you might get some ideas from it.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=405674
#5
Quote by PlayingTragic
Personally I think it's ****e. Really, who the **** is this girl? What a crock of ****.

Next time say something constructive, or justify your opinion. *Warned*