#1
ok this is my first attempt at ever writing a song. i just wanted to see if i was on the rite track with things and if not if u guys could point out what i could fix or due to make it better. i am not expecting it to be could considering it is my first one so just keep that in mind also (also sorry bout the title...i guess i shoulda read the rules first but i went back and tried to chang it and for w/e reason it won't let me but next time i won't make that mistake)


i had it all
way back when
when life was good
with all my friends
i let it all
just slip away
its all gone now (verse 1)
nothing left to say
i tried so hard
i tried my best
but in the end
it went like this
lost site of you
and site of it
lost site of reality
and that was it

its all gone now
no turning back
u tried so hard (chorus)
but just let it slip
u gave ur best
and that is it
no turning back
is this it?
mike
Last edited by fourstrings? at Aug 2, 2006,
#3
Yeah, pretty catchy lyrics. Its not brilliant writing really but I could definitly see it being put to music. BTW, read the rules for the forum before you post anything else. I doesn't matter to me, but you'll probly get bitched at.
#7
With the right music this song would fit well on modern rock radio. The lyrics are catchy but not too insightful or specific. The generalizations found throughout would appeal to modern rock audiences. Congrats on your first song...now write the music.
There once was a man who really loved salt
So he tied his nose to the sea
And then God came down from his silver throne
And said, 'Honey, that water ain't free
#8
^^^
that is gunna be the hard part, but ill see, i am wut u could call a noob when it comes to all this stuff, but ill give it a shot
mike
#9
Quote by fourstrings?
^^^
that is gunna be the hard part, but ill see, i am wut u could call a noob when it comes to all this stuff, but ill give it a shot


Keep the music simple. Think Seether or Three Days Grace.
There once was a man who really loved salt
So he tied his nose to the sea
And then God came down from his silver throne
And said, 'Honey, that water ain't free
#10
oo good call, thanks man, i am leanin more towards three days grace, although i wasn't really leaning to the whole rock sound ur rite that is wut it is gunna be, thanks for crit and help
mike
#11
i had it all
way back when
when life was good
with all my friends
i let it all
just slip away
its all gone now (verse 1)
nothing left to say
i tried so hard
i tried my best
but in the end
it went like this
lost site of you
and site of it
lost site of reality
and that was it

its all gone now
no turning back
u tried so hard (chorus)
but just let it slip
u gave ur best
and that is it
no turning back
is this it?

I would normally say that vague is bad. However, when reading this, it seemed that the opposite was true. The lyrics, as you have written them are so universally appealing that it's insane. This is detailed enough to tell a generalized story: had it all, but then something happened, now there's nothing; yet vague enough to allow SEVERAL interpretations on what/who was lost, and the reasoning. I liked it. It was pretty short, but not in a lack-of-ideas way. It felt more like a short-to-be-succinct-and-to-the-point way. It also flowed well, as you've already been told. The only thing I would say was bad was the lack of imagery. There's nothing in this song I can see, hear, feel, taste, or touch. It's still good though.

Feel free to crit my latest, link's in my sig.
#14
Quote by metallica4727
can u crit mine?

sure, do u guys think it is possible tho to make this into an acoustic
mike
Last edited by fourstrings? at Aug 3, 2006,
#15
It's cool in the way that the lyrics appeal to almost everyone, but in some cases songs can suffer from such a lack of insightfulness. I guess it all depends on the music it's set to, but for a first attempt you should be pleased... your writing is only going to develop and get stronger from here and you've got a good base to work from in the form of these lyrics.
#16
Good songs, just hard to read. I would say re-post it so people can read it easily.

On the acoustic thing, start off accoustic then go electic at the end.