#1
Well guys, its my latest, sorry I havent been around I have a job now hahah, anyways...let me know what you think.<3

From My Lips To Yours.

V1:
It just won?t make a difference, don?t second thought me,
Don?t take it back, it won?t work either way you say it,
So I?ll read you your own words, from the letters, so faded
Just don?t let this go to waste?.

Chorus:
So to the moon and back tonight, put your tears away
When the meteors rain, and the stars align, we?ll be well on our way
And to every galaxy I promised a visit, I don?t think I?ll ever make it that far,
When our hearts collide, and this storm subsides, I?ll be wishing on your star

V2:
It?s all in how you kiss me, with thoughts of me or just,
Wishing it wasn?t this way, when you could wither with his lust
So keep your secrets, so I won?t ever be a part of you again.
A kiss for your fears, a hand for your hand?

Bridge:
I can?t stop thinking about it, every thought is so crowded,
With what we did tonight on replay, I miss you, don?t let us go to waste?

Chorus:
So to the moon and back tonight, put your tears away
When the meteors rain, and the stars align, we?ll be well on our way
And to every galaxy I promised a visit, I don?t think I?ll ever make it that far,
When our hearts collide, and this storm subsides, I?ll be wishing on your star
#2
From My Lips To Yours.

V1:
It just won?t make a difference, don?t second thought me,
Don?t take it back, it won?t work either way you say it,
So I?ll read you your own words, from the letters, so faded
Just don?t let this go to waste?.
haha. "Don't second thought me." Nice deviation from the norm. I question whether you need the word "just" in the first line. However, you might. Other than that, I think it's a promising lead in. It reads well, and alludes to the songs meaning.

Chorus:
So to the moon and back tonight, put your tears away
When the meteors rain, and the stars align, we?ll be well on our way
And to every galaxy I promised a visit, I don?t think I?ll ever make it that far,
When our hearts collide, and this storm subsides, I?ll be wishing on your star
Hmm. This is just a phonetic alteration i'm suggesting because I, personally, think it sounds more natural/is more grammatically correct, but it's not that important. Anyway I believe the third line would be better as, "To every galaxy I promised a visit, but I don't think I'll ever make it that far." Sounds more natural to me. Otherwise, I absolutely love this stanza. Very creative, good imagery, etc.

V2:
It?s all in how you kiss me, with thoughts of me or just,
Wishing it wasn?t this way, when you could wither with his lust
So keep your secrets, so I won?t ever be a part of you again.
A kiss for your fears, a hand for your hand?
Again, this is super good. Again, I think a tiny change in the third line would make it sound better. The repitition os "so" is bothersome. Some sort of change there would be swell I do believe. Seriously though, that's just nitpicking, and in all honestly, this is another great stanza.

Bridge:
I can?t stop thinking about it, every thought is so crowded,
With what we did tonight on replay, I miss you, don?t let us go to waste?
Nothing to say here... just good.

Chorus:
So to the moon and back tonight, put your tears away
When the meteors rain, and the stars align, we?ll be well on our way
And to every galaxy I promised a visit, I don?t think I?ll ever make it that far,
When our hearts collide, and this storm subsides, I?ll be wishing on your star

I thought this was a very, very well written piece. It was sweet as well. It provokes emotion, and does it in a very creative, active, perceptive way. Kudos to you.
If you could crit my newest piece -link in my sig- I'd appreciate it.
#4
Hey this great. Great word choice. i can totally imagine what it would sound like. Awesome writing. The only part is that i thought that" don't second thought me" sounded kinda weird. But oh well. It twas great. plz crit my new poem.
#5
Quote by dakmac
Hey this great. Great word choice. i can totally imagine what it would sound like. Awesome writing. The only part is that i thought that" don't second thought me" sounded kinda weird. But oh well. It twas great. plz crit my new poem.

um of course and thank you, but i dont see your poem, link me?
#7
Really like these lyrics, chorus is very powerful - structure and theme are consistent throughout. Does the bridge occur before the first chorus, or just the second? I think the lyrics in the bridge are slightly conclusive / definitive for a passage that is meant to build up to the chorus but other than that I can't find anything wrong with it.

Check out my latest song if you get a chance: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=407060
#9
This is good stuff. Keep it up!
"People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point."