#1
enjoy. its about suicide, in case you cant figure it out.

Brick by brick I seal my fate
Not a minute to early, not a second to late
And I wonder if they?ll think of me when I?m gone
Or just carry on?
The blood is the mortar as I build my tomb
Its life after death in my makeshift womb
But there?s no happy ending me when I?m gone
Will they just carry on?

Perfection, as I set my world alight
And free my soul
Affection, as I know that I
Won?t be alone

But if I should take my life
The blood is the mortar my mind is the knife
As I wonder if they?ll think of me when I?m gone
Or just carry on?
And they mourn in the churches and cry in the streets
They?ll all slump their shoulders and shuffle their feet
But as minutes to hours and hours to days
Will I be remembered or just fade away?

Perfection, as I set my world alight
And free my soul
Affection, as I know that I
Won?t be alone

But what of my family and what of my life?
What of my children and what of my wife?
With blood as the mortar and my mind as a knife
Would they remember when I took my life?

Perfection, as I set my world alight
And free my soul
Affection, as I know that I
Won?t be alone

And I?ll burn all my bridges destroying the past
The note on the door will be my last
I?ll leave what I have and all I can give
But what of my life if I choose to live?
I R tr00 Member of UG's Gain \/\/hores - don't pm gpderek09 to join unless you are truly worthy
www.purevolume.com/mordecaiaus
Quote by xifr
There is the possibility that I may have or may or may not have gone or not gone into the danger zone.


Quote by lespaulmarshall
I love you Joel
Last edited by joel_grieve at Aug 3, 2006,
#3
Nice work, although I'm over the whole suicide thing.

I do like how it rhymes, but without sounding like its forced rhyming.
#4
I like it. The only thing is it is nice and smooth throughout the whole song, but at the end, it seems to loose that and end ebruptly. Anyone agree or am i just crazy? Anyways good writing man!
People think im insane becuase i am frowning all the time.
----------------

Member of the Radiohead Fan Club
#5
very good . the flow is awesome and i loved the ending . it wasnt where i expected it to end wich was perfect . i loved the last verse . good job . and if u could crit my song. ill be your next best thing . thanks bro
#6
thanks. i should be recording the vocals today, i've already recorded the guitar. it might end up being to fast and losing the effect though, but we'll see. i'll post a link once i record it.
I R tr00 Member of UG's Gain \/\/hores - don't pm gpderek09 to join unless you are truly worthy
www.purevolume.com/mordecaiaus
Quote by xifr
There is the possibility that I may have or may or may not have gone or not gone into the danger zone.


Quote by lespaulmarshall
I love you Joel
#7
Beautifully thought provoking. Straightforward yet captures the audience.
#8
Brick by brick I seal my fate
Not a minute to early, not a second to late
And I wonder if they?ll think of me when I?m gone
Or just carry on?
The blood is the mortar as I build my tomb
Its life after death in my makeshift womb
But there?s no happy ending me when I?m gone
Will they just carry on?
the part where it says "or just carry on" doesn't fit obviously but i suppose that has something to do with the music you wrote for it

Perfection, as I set my world alight
And free my soul
Affection, as I know that I
Won?t be alone
again it doesn't seem to fit but I'm sure it does with the music you wrote for it

But if I should take my life
The blood is the mortar my mind is the knife
As I wonder if they?ll think of me when I?m gone
Or just carry on?
And they mourn in the churches and cry in the streets
They?ll all slump their shoulders and shuffle their feet
But as minutes to hours and hours to days
Will I be remembered or just fade away?
this part's great especially the first two lines

Perfection, as I set my world alight
And free my soul
Affection, as I know that I
Won?t be alone

But what of my family and what of my life?
What of my children and what of my wife?
With blood as the mortar and my mind as a knife
Would they remember when I took my life?
this parts good but it's kinda short to crit

Perfection, as I set my world alight
And free my soul
Affection, as I know that I
Won?t be alone

And I?ll burn all my bridges destroying the past
The note on the door will be my last
I?ll leave what I have and all I can give
But what of my life if I choose to live?
great stanza this is my favorite part


here's my lasted song if you could crit it for me


https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=6384546#post6384546
Last edited by private at Aug 3, 2006,