#1
I've been wanting to write this song for almost a year. Last summer I read Gilgamesh and thought to myself "I wonder if anyone's ever written a song about that". A month or two later, I started experimenting with DADGAD tuning, and the Gilgamesh thought sprang into my mind again. I thought the droning, mysterious, slightly ominous vibe created by going up and down the G would suit the subject matter perfectly. I came up with a few musical ideas, but I wound up putting it aside and eventually forgetting about it. As I was laying awake in bed last night, though, it popped back into my head, and I decided to finally write the damn song. I sat down about an hour ago, and this is what I came up with. It doesn't tell the story of Gilgamesh or anything, but it was inspired by his quest to destroy Humbaba. There's also a little Colbert reference in there . Alright I won't rant any longer.

Pack your things, we're leaving
Don't ask where and don't ask why
We'll slip away before the sun
Ignites the thirsting sky
Drag your mind through space and time
And colors laced with tears
In the cedar forest
Sleeps the child of your fears

Something's stirring deep inside
The hallways of your thoughts
Cast your gaze across the plains
Where long-dead men once fought
With wilderness embodied
Standing plainly at your side
In the cedar forest
There's no one to hear you cry

Think I hear it coming
Clawing at the ground
Hear the soldiers drumming
Circling round and round
Careening out towards the sun
Your eyes are rolling back
No one showed you how to tell
The truth apart from fact

(instrumental break)

Think I hear it coming
Clawing at the ground
Hear the soldiers drumming
Circling round and round
Careening out towards the sun
Your eyes are rolling back
No one showed you how to tell
The truth apart from fact

Falling, always falling
(Oooh, Shamash) (backing vocal)
Through the ever-passing days
(Oooh, Shamash)
See a figure standing
(Oooh, Shamash)
Through the swirling moonlit haze
(Oooh, Shamash)
Drag your mind through space and time
And colors made of tears
In the cedar forest
Sleeps the child of your fears


Musically, it started out as being similar to Zeppelin's Kashmir, but after I started listening to the Velvet Underground it evolved to have elements of Venus in Furs. A little Tomorrow Never Knows worked its way in there, too.
Listen to mah discs.



And coming soon, THE CLEVER DEVILS VS. THE BLONDES.

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#2
Pack your things, we're leaving
Don't ask where and don't ask why
We'll slip away before the sun
Ignites the thirsting sky
Drag your mind through space and time
And colors laced with tears
In the cedar forest
Sleeps the child of your fears


nothing big wrong here . i think the word the in the 4th line should be this just think it flows better

Something's stirring deep inside
The hallways of your thoughts
Cast your gaze across the plains
Where long-dead men once fought
With wilderness embodied
Standing plainly at your side
In the cedar forest
There's no one to hear you cry


awesome . nothing wrong here either

Think I hear it coming
Clawing at the ground
Hear the soldiers drumming
Circling round and round
Careening out towards the sun
Your eyes are rolling back
No one showed you how to tell
The truth apart from fact


the last line works but it just sounds a little rough

overall very nicely done . just run through it and fix any little errors . and if u get a chance could u crit my song . ill be your next best thing . thanks bro
#3
Will do. I've still got to hammer out the kinks, this is really its first lyrical incarnation.
Listen to mah discs.



And coming soon, THE CLEVER DEVILS VS. THE BLONDES.

Vote for me in the