#1
Wrote this song about a girl (ohh what a surprise!)
As always, crit for crit, and not some half ass "zomg i lyk it lol"


I had a dream last night
where I held your hand and laughed
I woke up this morning
Disapointed that it couldn't last.

I read your letter again
to get that feeling back
It said you didnt know what happened
and somehow you lost track

of the emotions you had for me
and the feelings you once felt
and now I realise that they are gone

Too bad your leaving
too bad im going on.
and I've gone to far to take you back

you could've just said no
when I asked for a second chance
You had the chance to spare me
from some false hoped romance

I remember the night at the playground
where we both felt it
the stars were staring.

Too bad your leaving
too bad im going on
and I've gone to far to take you back

I've gone too far
I've gone too far
#2
it sounds to me (personally) that your forcing too much of the song, if you find it hard to write, put your pen down, have a butty and relax and dont think about what your going to write, by the time you go back to writing you'l have loads of ideas in your sorrowed little head
#3
i like this song. it was kinda easy for me to relate. expecially the second stanza about the letter. What Genre or musical direction do you think youll take on this song?
#4
I had a dream last night
where I held your hand and laughed
I woke up this morning
Disapointed that it couldn't last.
the second line doesn't fit and I think you should take the word "that" out

I read your letter again
to get that feeling back
It said you didnt know what happened
and somehow you lost track
I like this except the last line seems forced

of the emotions you had for me
and the feelings you once felt
and now I realise that they are gone
nothing bad here I like it

Too bad your leaving
too bad im going on.
and I've gone to far to take you back
the last line's very clever

you could've just said no
when I asked for a second chance
You had the chance to spare me
from some false hoped romance
I love this part because I can totally relate to it

I remember the night at the playground
where we both felt it
the stars were staring.
I don't like where it says "it" I would change that

Too bad your leaving
too bad im going on
and I've gone to far to take you back

I've gone too far
I've gone too far


here's a link to my song

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=6375885
#5
"I had a dream last night
where I held your hand and laughed
I woke up this morning
Disapointed that it couldn't last."

"I remember the night at the playground
where we both felt it
the stars were staring."

Those were my two favorite parts, realy great job. And if you could, please comment mine "untitled"