#1
this is my attempt at writing a catchy song...it's got a few rough spots which im willing to work on, other than that, it's my final draft. im open to anyone's opinions on what fits and what doesn't. crit for crit


hey there miss
teenage crisis
how can i be of service?
i've kept my eye on you
but it seems that im bad news
to your ears and to your lips
from the kiss you could not miss
other boys seem immature
by the way i give you the
words you've been waiting to hear
and what i give you when the lights go out


now don't you act surprised
when i tell you i hope
he was worth the infedility
now miss teenage crisis
i hope that you're happy

all i give to you now is a curse
from my lips right to yours
that they'll always taste of me
and that you'll always see
the day when we first kissed
in that rain, you'll also find
the lover you have missed
and the love that you have pissed
away...


now that you lost me
don't you regret
he wasn't worth the risk you took
now ms.teenage crisis
you're a part of this song's hook
G-G-G D-E-C C chord
#2
hey there miss
teenage crisis
how can i be of service?
i've kept my eye on you
but it seems that im bad news
to your ears and to your lips
from the kiss you could not miss
other boys seem immature
by the way i give you the
words you've been waiting to hear
and what i give you when the lights go out
deffinetly catchy and it all seems to fit fine

now don't you act surprised
when i tell you i hope
he was worth the infedility
now miss teenage crisis
i hope that you're happy
i don't think that "that" is nescesary in the last line other then that it's good

all i give to you now is a curse
from my lips right to yours
that they'll always taste of me
and that you'll always see
the day when we first kissed
in that rain, you'll also find
the lover you have missed
and the love that you have pissed
away...
haha the last line's funny. It seems like something's missing from the second line though. Try try rewording it a little bit and in the first line you should take out the word "to"

now that you lost me
don't you regret
he wasn't worth the risk you took
now ms.teenage crisis
you're a part of this song's hook
good ending it is very catchy


here's a link to my song

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=406663