Since no one Critiqued my last song, The Ballad of The Erg, I wrote another. Please Give me advice on how to improve the structure of the song and comments are welcome


Chained to the Wall
Down, Under my Floor
Ive Beaten them all
And I want More

17 years old today
She wont live to see 18
Take a boxcutter
Watch her bleed

Crucified On my wall
Ive only just begun
Chainsaw rips the boy in two
Now hes twice the Fun

One has died
The rest are dying
No one will survive
Kill em all, and Fuc.k the Dead

Down on your Knees.
Beg for your Life.
Get the Fuc.k up.
Beg to the Knife.

Stab her in her Neck
Drink the virgins Blood
Hear her Silent Screams
As I Fuc.k her lifeless Corpse

No One Can Stop The Madness
No One Can Stop The Sin
When I'm In My Basement
Playing With Dead Skin...
dude thanks thats pretty much what i wanted to hear. so do you think it needs any work? i like it now i just want to know what the ultimate-guitar forum gods think
DUDE , I ****ING LOVE IT.. I posted a request 2 weeks ago but nobody answered.. please dude , i have a song called "solitude" , can u take a look at it and write some lyrics over it? I will bow in front of you if you do this favor for me.!!
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i really like this, it is simple and not to gory but good, you should also check out mine "sweet sweet candy" or Slayer312's "dead flesh". his is pretty awesome
has a Dead Skin Mask feel to it but i really like the meter to it the way it flows and everything and i just love the ideas of it well i know my song isnt quite ur style but u could still crit it https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=6407400#post6407400
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hmm, guess its just not my cup o tea.

hmm, like i give a **** what you think
he has a point if you dont expect at least some negative feedback your a moron.

I liked it though so I can't talk. What genre is it?
Songs working on :

he didnt post negative feedback he said he didnt like it, i posted it to be critiqued. i dont care if he likes it or not. its metal
One thing I have to say:

What does that song have to do with solitude?
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Ok i like it like i dont like music written like that but if i did i'd think you were a god its very good though dont change nothing man keep it up

zoso777 aka Craig