#1
I wrote this song last night, I thought I'd show it to the judging eyes of UG. Its a song about the trouble with comunicating with those you love and how you think you message is falling on deaf ears but they are avtually receiving your signals. I had images of 1984 (the book) in my head when writing it as well which semi inspired the theme of futile love. The rhyme scheme isn't great. Please enjoy or at least leave a comment!


can you text me
a message
pay attention
I mention to you
do you forfit
come forthwith
my endorphins
are telling me to stop

No way, No way
you turn me off like a detuned radio
stagnant in waste
polaroid of a kid watching video

imitation
of a nation
penetration
were goin' to sell it to you
can you hear it
you can't hear it
whats hearing got to do
with it anyway

no way, no way
you turn me off like a detuned radio
stagnant in waste
polaroid of a kid watching video

Iron rain is washing down, its so
subliminal subliminal
re-write the sands of time, for you
subliminal subliminal
Good Charlotte sounds like...uh...they sound like...um...well, they taste like a popsicle stick thats been shoved up someones ass -Eddie Vedder

REMEMBER DISCO: All stupid fads go away with time. STOP COMPLAINING
#2
Wow. I absolutely loved this piece. It's good in so many senses. A) There was good imagery. B) Despite what you said, the flow was rather good. C) The IDEAS behind it, the thoughts it ispired, the visuals, the oddities... they were all great. For instance, "Polaroid of a kid watching video." That's very creative and imaginitve, and it makes you think. I liked it alot. D) The language was great. The word choices were great. Etc.

This song/lyric/poem/what have you, is dotted with beautiful lines, and it's a very good piece all together. Keep it up. I'd love to read more of your stuff.

Please crit my newest by the way. Link is the BIG one in my sig.