#1
This is a song I wrote in about an hour. It's about a girl that likes me (a lot, kind of obsessively), but I don't feel the same way about her. But she refuses to give up. So this is just a song to get out some feelings about this isue in my life. -Crit4Crit-

Verse:
Loving eyes see only what the want
It was an escape that I sought

I wrote your name too many times
Then was shot down in my prime

Chorus:
Your false assumptions led to this
Every attempt was a sure-fire miss

Verse:
Think high of yourself, believe your names
But don't forget I know your shame

So I'm happy to end it here
Save time, shed a hidden tear

Chorus:
Your false assumptions led to this
Every attempt was a sure-fire miss

Post-Chorus:
You're killing me and yourself
Hang your broken heart high on your shelf

To help you remember me
When you're so lonely

Please forget me
I forgot you
#2
Verse:
Loving eyes see only what the want
It was an escape that I sought

I wrote your name too many times
Then was shot down in my prime

Chorus:
Your false assumptions led to this
Every attempt was a sure-fire miss

Verse:
Think high of yourself, believe your names
But don't forget I know your shame

So I'm happy to end it here
Save time, shed a hidden tear

Chorus:
Your false assumptions led to this
Every attempt was a sure-fire miss

Post-Chorus:
You're killing me and yourself
Hang your broken heart high on your shelf

To help you remember me
When you're so lonely

Please forget me
I forgot you

Although short, this is a good piece. It conveys plenty of emotion, and for the most part has pretty damn good flow. I also really liked the last two lines. They were a great, albeit mean way to end the lyric. The only big thing I didn't like about this is it's...follow-ability, perse. I found it broken. Staggered, if you will. It was just one quick point to another with no transition, and it was hard for me to follow. I also wondered if you were going at this from both of their points of view, because if so (which I thought you were) I found it hard to distinguish from the two. It is an overall good piece though.

I'd enjoy a crit to my newest piece, please. There's a link to it in my sig. thank you.