#1
So I just fell out with my best friend like ten minutes ago and wrote this instantly. Don't destroy please, constructive critiicism welcome though. No "you suck"s or "this sucks". This is AlternateRock/Emo/whatevergengreyouthinkitworkswellwith. Cheers guys C4C.


Where's My Seven Minutes In Heaven With You?

Can I say I'm done,
Can I say I've had my fun,
When the light is done,
Will you still stare at my sun, [<- Edit]

Will we stay here,
This time,
Can I scream real loud,

I'm waiting for,
My time to come,
If my life ends now,
I'll say,

Where's my seven minutes,
Are they still in heaven,
With you,
Where's my seven minutes,
Are they still in heaven,
Where are my seven minutes,
Waiting in the clouds,
How,

I'd like to say,
I've done so good,
But my lifes been done,
With no amount sum,

Can't I just stay here,
This time,
Can I scream real loud,

I'm waiting for,
My time to come,
If my life ends now,
I'll say,

(My Life Ends Now I'll Say....)

Where's my seven minutes,
Are they still in heaven,
With you,
Where's my seven minutes,
Are they still in heaven,
Where are my seven minutes,
Waiting past the gates,
When,

Where's my seven minutes,
(In Heaven....)
Where's my seven minutes,
(In Heaven.........)
Where's my seven minutes,
(With You..........)

Thankyou,
So Much,


Underlined - Spoken
Italics - Backing Vocals

Wrote whilst listening to, Fall Out Boy, Blur then MCR about best friend.
Songs working on :

Nitelife
Last edited by J_J_Kool at Aug 6, 2006,
#2
I really liked the verses, though the chorus seemed pretty hard to put to a rhythm. Then again, I haven't heard it with music, so thats easy to fix.

Keep up the good work, man.
#3
sucks about ur friend and its a great concept, pretty catchy (although i have the idea that you were inspired by a fall out boy song lol but nothing wrong with that) but you might wanna rethink the certain line flows like the first verse where fun is kind of rhymed with fun, that doesnt work to well but well i guess thats the only problem, just fix that and id say its a pretty damn good song
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#4
thanks guys lol. It doesnt actually sound annything like a FOB song. I must admit I did steal the verse from the title of a FOB song though lol. cheers anyway guys C4C if you give me a link
Songs working on :

Nitelife
Last edited by J_J_Kool at Aug 6, 2006,
#5
hmm..i think the rhyme scheme was a bit korney, it makes the song sound immature....

i think...

but i like the concept alot...and with a little bit more elaboration on it...this song has alot of potential...

good work...
crit my rhymes?:

Lets Get Drunk and Fuck.

Subtle Arrogance

Do you realize, that i can clearly see your clitoris through your jeans?

Quote by Shaepwnsyou
They're very religious, so they have butt sex to save their virginity.