#1
Ok well i put a little more work into this than my last one so i hope it shows a little improvement as always...crit for crit if u show me a link

(Fast paced)
Lighting flags just to watch them burn
Protesting in the streets
Watching the system fall into its urn
Knowing you wont see defeat

The life of an anarchist
Watching the system fall
Soon the people will be in panic
As your hopes have been fulfilled

You bash the biblebashers
You murder heartless fascists
Lighting the candle from both ends
You wait quietly in the middle

The life of an anarchist
Watching the system fall
Soon the people will be in panic
As your hopes have been fulfilled

(Slowed down)
As you march through the streets
People stop to stare
You act insane but show perfect sanity
You guide the people onward with the flame
(Fast) Of a burning flag!
Quote by GibsonPuppeteer
I've had the tiny ones in my mouth and accidentally swallowed a bit of the liquid, you should be all right.


Quote by xDie_Romanticx
just dont get it in your eyes and wear gloves
#2
Lyrics reminds me of the punk band Anti- Flag, and I can't help but feel the theme of a crumbling government is becoming slightly over done.

The flow is easy to keep up with, and consistent throughout... just a couple of lines I can offer help with: in the first stanza, the rhyme of urn and burn seems slightly forced, and as far as i'm aware an urn was a big jug used for carrying wine in roman times, which doesn't really fit in with the rest of the stanza. Love the line about lighting the candle at both ends, really good imagery. Perhaps you could change 'soon the people will be in panic' (which, to me sounds slightly awkward unless i'm rading it with the wrong sort of rhythem) to 'soon enough the people will panic'. It contains the same amount of syllables but jus sounds nicer!

Overall, upbeat and consistent writing with no real flaws. Nice.
Please check out the song in my sig, thanks.
#3
I like it especially the end.

(Fast) Of a burning flag!
I can really see that as a good ending to this

the only problem I may have with it is it seems a little short.
Other than that pretty cool. kepp it up.
Songs working on :

Nitelife
#4
ya this song was an inspiration of bands like anti-flag and nofx and propaghandi.. political is the only style of my writings i can stand to show people and thanks for the tips and an urn is also something used to carry the remains (in ash form) of someone whose died but ya there is the greek definition of it idk im just more related to the other version becuz my sister was cremated
Quote by GibsonPuppeteer
I've had the tiny ones in my mouth and accidentally swallowed a bit of the liquid, you should be all right.


Quote by xDie_Romanticx
just dont get it in your eyes and wear gloves
#5
I didnt like the you bash biblebashers.......quite frankly i do i love Jesus.....................................................................................................Pretty good write.
Founder of The Reverend Maynard Club-save the carrots!
PM me or diminishedfaith to join.


PryingOpenMyThirdEye
#7
well i mean the way i used biblebashers i meant it as the people who spend all of there lives trying to convert people, and telling people that theyre living their life wrong and **** but i mean i guess it does have the resonence of all christianity...idk ive never been a fan of it and i was really tired when i wrote that so i dont know what i was thinking...and umm thanks? it seems like theres two lines in all my songs that someone likes but they hate the rest lol
Quote by GibsonPuppeteer
I've had the tiny ones in my mouth and accidentally swallowed a bit of the liquid, you should be all right.


Quote by xDie_Romanticx
just dont get it in your eyes and wear gloves
#8
"Biblebasher", to me, doesn't seem like the term you're looking for...maybe "biblethumper"? Biblebasher seems it would be referring to someone who bashes the bible...or something to that extent....moving on. I have to agree with Jandy. Those lines were pretty cool, but beyond that I lost all interest. You say you like Propagandhi (they're my favourite band)...their lyrics aren't just slogans set to music (coughcough anti flag), their lyrics make you think about what's being said as opposed to telling you what to think. Oh yeah, and rhyming isn't that important. hah. Keep writing..
Last edited by AmishPhonebooks at Aug 6, 2006,
#9
As an anarchist myself, I feel your song does little to accurately portray the movement. If you where to title it "Life of a Sociopath" it would make more sense, but apparently you have made the false assumption that an anarchist is a mix of arsonist, murderer, and terrorist, who is somehow leading the people as he is filling them with fear. I'd suggest you brush up on your political philosophy a bit before you start writting more songs like this, but I do respect you for writting a political song in the first place. Good luck in the future.
#10
cick13 i guess u r right becuz the title is directed towards anarchy but you must admit that the anti-system groups do meet, collide and overlap which this was i guess based towards that entire scene
Quote by GibsonPuppeteer
I've had the tiny ones in my mouth and accidentally swallowed a bit of the liquid, you should be all right.


Quote by xDie_Romanticx
just dont get it in your eyes and wear gloves
#12
this kicks ass! ...it does remind me of anti-flag though, not that thats bad.

two things...
1. you could probably fit another stanza/verse or two in there
and
2. does "bashing the biblebashers" state that bringing religion into punk is stupid? cuz if it is, you got your stuff right!
#13
...though...cick13 has a point...another reason why more (less extreme) verses would balance it a bit.
#14
hmmm...i dont read other peoples posts here now cause it might influence my opinon, so some of this might be said already.

First, this kinda reminds of an anti-flag kinda riff or maybe nofx.
The fast paced thing is good, but that means i think you should add another stanza or two, so it doesnt end to fast.
Anti-Authority?


Anyway, the link for mines in my sig, so once you have time...