#1
Simple flecks of light blanket the spaces
We fear to tread but hurry to races
I can't believe it blocks my view
I want to see but all I see is you

I twist and contort but I see you
I shake to a new form, I see you
Anything I do, I just see you
I can't help it, I pray that I
One day will stray but right now
I can't help it

I see you all alone in my bed
Sleeping and breathing quietly shared
Flowers erupting from your skin like fireworks
Breaking the barriers that quench my thirst
I can't help but see you when I go through my day
I know that it pains me
I know that it hurts anyway

Lights are flickering, they can't make up their minds
To work or to rest, the rest is theirs to decide
Air is blowing, every particle scratching my face
Burning me raw but I just don't notice this place

I fade and distort but I see you
I shake to a new form, I see you
Anything I do, I just see you
I can't help it, I pray that I
One day will stray but right now
I can't help it
I feel understood
I just can't help it when I see you

I see you all alone in my bed
Sleeping and breathing quietly shared
Flowers erupting from your skin like fireworks
Breaking the barriers that quench my thirst
I can't help but see you when I go through my day
I know that it pains me
I know that it hurts anyway
Sometimes you seem like the one thing that gets me through
Sometimes it seems ilke the only thing I see is you

I want to sleep, to fall asleep, to close my eyes
I know that you'll infect my dreams if I close my eyes
I see you burning a hole in the air
I close my eyes, and you're still there
Dancing and spinning and growning and shrinking
Your hair is so wavy, specks are still chinking
Your lips are inviting but I know i'm enlightened
I wish I couldn't see you

Majestic and twisting
My ships are still listing
Because you are inside me and making the waves
I'm sure i'll depart you
When my heart decides to
It sounds so cliché but I think I am brave

I shake and retort but I see you
I shake to a new form, I see you
Anything I do, I just see you
I can't help it, I pray that I
One day will stray but right now
I can't help it
I feel understood
I just can't help it when I see you

I see you all alone in my bed
Sleeping and breathing quietly shared
Flowers erupting from your skin like fireworks
Breaking the barriers that quench my thirst
I can't help but see you when I go through my day
I know that it pains me
I know that it hurts anyway
Sometimes you seem like the one thing that gets me through
Sometimes it seems ilke the only thing I see is you
#2
long

but 9/10
My Gear:
Carvin DC400C
Schecter Damien Elite 7 string
Boss Metalzone
Laney GH120 Head
Rhino 4x12 Celestion
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#3
lol...i just got done making this long line by line crit for you mate, then my computer froze(no lie), so here it is in one nutshell.

NICE use of imagery metaphor and emotion. Loved so many parts about it with these techniques.

The I see you lines may be a little cliche, and the whole, "you make me insane, you cloud my mind and i cant stop" is boring, but you make it flow well into the whole song.


Sorry about this crappy crit, but im lazy and i didnt want to type it all again, ill do better next time.

Can you check out mine? the links in my sig if you have time.

thx