#1
I caught the glow of the dying embers
In the waning fire
I told a lot of lies to the mirror
But it doesn?t care
It just sits there
Prying eyes into your privacy

I saw my ghostly reflection
Saying, ?Don?t leave me here?
I caught my reflection?s echoic voice
Saying, ?Don?t mess around with her
She?ll drag you everywhere
And pull you under
Stay above the waterline
And you should be fine?

I threw the mirror to the floor
Yet it remained intact
I heard the voice close behind
It said, ?I?m here and that?s a fact?

?Clean me,? said the dirty mirror
Lying unbroken on my floor
I pick up the pieces I cannot see
That don?t lie strewn by my door
There are crazy happenings
Occurring under my roof
They?re indicating they want me out
But I don?t want to move

Grainy voices in my head
I?m receiving phone-calls from the dead
Everything and more is all but what it seems
I guess I?m in a world of fantasy
Magic and horrible dreams

Oh, can anyone come and help me?
I think I?ve finally gone insane
Ground Control; can you hear me?
Major Tom has lost his brains

Dirty mirror on my wall
Reflects a shiny brand new ball
Bouncing down my empty hall
Where I stand six feet too tall

These dirty walls can keep me in no longer
I?ve gone insane but I haven?t lost my mind
I don?t know what I?m looking for, it could possibly be faith
Or some magic treasure I have yet to find

Prise your eyes away from the glass
And quickly move away
You don?t know what lies just beyond
The cold unforgiving glass

Take a step too far
And you?re over the ledge
Before you realised
You were so close to the edge

Dirty mirror reflects broken dreams
I?ve lost my notes on what life really means
I could go on and on
But I?d rock you to sleep
#2
Good song. Pretty consistant metaphor kept my attention th entire time I was reading it and overall good writing. I noticed in the second stanza the words "her" and "here" ending two differant lines. They don't really rhyme but they sound similar, so it sounds like a bad attempt at rhyming when you read it (Im sure it wasnt really) but whether it sounds like a rhyme, a bad attempt at one, or two random words would depend on how it is sung. Also, your flow seemed to get lost in the last few stanzas, but otherwise it was really well written.
#3
wow thats really good, liked the way you ended it, the whole thing is really great. not really much more to say, great writing

can u take a look at mine, its in sig
#4
you are always a breath of fresh air in the smog that is most of the pieces in this forum. Very good idea, very good execution, not much to say after that... Actually, looking back on it I see this piece as not really a complete piece but rather a practice piece for you to work on your rhyming and rhyme schemes, which is great.
#5
Quote by #1 synth
you are always a breath of fresh air in the smog that is most of the pieces in this forum. Very good idea, very good execution, not much to say after that... Actually, looking back on it I see this piece as not really a complete piece but rather a practice piece for you to work on your rhyming and rhyme schemes, which is great.


Yep, I'm trying to find different structures to use rather than the four-line stanza; and churning up different rhyming schemes to pick good ones out.

Sjada: Here and her are only weak rhymes mainly because those lines came instantaneously as I was writing it and I tend not to change lines once I've written them out.