#1
Adios!

You just had your 30 seconds of fame
Now I find you quite lame
Death and your love is all the same
I cannot take you anymore
Let me show you the door

I know I may come off as a boar
But you are the end of my tour
I have decided no more
No more of you
Goodbye my little fool

All I am able to do is sit and drool
Ponder loves little rule
I wonder how long it would take
To burn at the stake
Maybe crush my nuts in a rake

I knew all along your love was fake
But it seemed all you did was take
But now I?m on the make
And for Gods sake don?t call me
Don?t write me, lets just let it die

You just had your 30 seconds of fame
Now I find you quite lame
Death and your love is all the same
I cannot take you anymore
Let me show you the door

Please leave a crit.
epiphone LP Custom
No amp yet, I just got back in the game.
Had a Gibson LP Studio, Mex Tele, Mex Strat, Blues Deville, and mg50. But thanx to my lovely wife, not locking the door, they all vanished
#2
Uhh..well, I thought it was interesting. The language is very...straight-forward i guess is the word? The rhyme scheme and all was very unusual..it's not common to have 5 lines per stanza but it's not awful or anything. It does make the flow of the poem a bit off though, in my opinion.
It kinda seemed like you were trying too hard to find rhymes for everything, and it sounds kinda odd and forced at those parts. Some of the lines on the other hand were great and didn't feel forced at all, so i guess it balances out.
My Solo Stuff

Quote by crazydiamond73
There's a shoe floating down the street on a raft, how many pancakes does it take to cover the dog? None, ice cream doesn't have bones.

Bow to me.