#1
This one is partly inspired by a book of the same name by Arundhati Roy. Beautifully sad.

Anyhoo it's my first attempt at composing something on the piano with lyrics - actually I lie it's my second - but the other one was with a friend.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=273523&songID=4283462

So would really love to know what people think. Crit for crit

Thankyou!

Fatima
#2
It was beautiful, very calming and sad at the same time. The only problem is the obvious, just train your voice a bit, it was shaky at times and nasally.

Other than that, it was excellent, IMO. Very different from the usual fair on UG
Quote by rocknrollstar
"Oh baby baby yes yes YES! YES! *pinch harmonic*"
#3
I love and envy your vocals.

this entire song is beautiful.

I wish the piano was recorded better, but the recording kinda messed with the tone.

I checked out your other songs.

I loved 'good bye my lover', although, I was really hoping that you had done it on piano.

Good stuff you have all around though.
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Quote by GOD*OF*ROCK
lol man plz dont take this the wrong way but you really cant rap.
#4
That was awesome, really cool. Nice piano, its nice and calm. A better recording quality would have been kickass. No need to say how badass the vocals are, cuz they are amazing. Except for that part where you had the 2 vocals on top of each other near the end, it was meh simply because the recording wasn't that good so they were just too much i guess, but overall, excellent.
#8
Thankyou for taking the time to comment guys

Yeah the piano is a problemo - I'm not sure how to record it properly :/ its electric so i suppose i could get a cable and plug it straight into the laptop? I'll look into that - if anyone has suggestions they'd be greatly appreciated!

JackFlash19 - I don't know why myspace is being a pain. I haven't been able to listen to your song yet, it just won't stream it for some reason! I'll check back on it later though!
#9
Beautiful voice.... but still too simplistic. The piano is clipping a bit when you get it going a little harder.

You should think about getting someone to help you with a collaboration. You have the voice for it... now you just need someone to cut in and give it that extra oomph.

This is not meant as a bad review of your song, just that I think you might get something more from a collaboration with someone who has a little more instrumental experience... which maybe you do have, but have chosen not to exploit your gift???

With your voice, I'm certain there are plenty of instrumentalists that would love to work with you... I know I would. (that was an obvious offer)

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=406545
#10
To answer the question you left in my thread... Yes. I did mean it. I would love to do a collab with you. The decision would be your's though. I know I'm ready and willing.
#11
Not my general style, but very beautiful melody. You have some serious potential there. And trust me. I do NOT give good criticism lightly.

Here is what I would do with the piano. Just listening through my earbuds(meh), it sounds like the piano is recorded in mono(meaning only one center channel as opposed to left and rightl If I am wrong and it is recorded in stereo then it definetely needs to be panned a good bit wider in my opinion. That would really open up the song and draw the listener in more.

If you give me some details into how you are recording this then I can better suggest ways to improve the recording or what you need to improve it. Though Im no pro myself, you can get an idea of my ability(limited though it is) here:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=567397

Might not be your style, but just to give you an idea of whether I can help or not.
#12
Well this is more like it! I don't really need to mention the fantastic vocal...oh I just did. Its fantastic.

Great piano part too. Simple but beautiful - great dynamic shifts, great contrasting arpeggio. Great tonal variation with the vocal melody - heaps of lifts and drops in this song, really interesting. Very well defined ideas, totally beautiful soundscape you constructed at about 3:10 - great work, I saulte you.

I said 'great' a lot just then.
Top 5:
1) Only The Cool Climb - Tj1
2) My Favorite Dress - ~King_Of_Foolz~
3) She Once Was My Playmate - Tj1
4) Lovers Lullaby - KOF
5) Cold Dark Room - Ditda
#13
If you could get a professional to help you record this, it would be professional quality, since the lyrics and music are already up to that par.
#14
I heard this on ug radio, and had to search for the topic to tell you how much I enjoyed listening to it, its very very beautiful
#16
Breathtaking. I mean, really. I love that style of music and you blew a lot of professional artists out of the water just there.

Get this recorded with better sound quality and I would buy it.
#19
Very nice. Great job.

I personally like it like this...simple. Recording wise, a stereo real piano would be nicer, and better mics in general.
A duet could be nice, but I think it's equally likely to ruin it.
Crit for crit?
Thanks!
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=416078
I'm not very active here on UG currently.
I'm a retired Supermod off to the greener pastures of the real world.