#1
Anthem For The Other Boys You'll Kiss

V1:
So hold your breath, as my troubles fill your lungs,
The anthem of a breakdown, shining in your eyes,
A one sided, full hearted, I shivered at your touch,
So leave me like you already have, forget me if you must?

Chorus:
Burn that little poem I gave you, oh so long ago
It?s null and void, you must?ve changed your mind,
But I?ll still kiss those pretty lips,
Of that incredible girl he left behind?.

V2:
Surrounded by nothing, you?re on top of it all?
With his picture in your frame on your nightstand,
Took the day you first held his hand,
And I wish you could forget, you?re the thing he left behind,
And I?ll never write another song about how I feel,
About how you?re always on my mind.

Bridge:
Just like the day, when you seen that sunrise you always wanted,
He had you on his shoulder, and you had him on your mind,
You seen that sunrise you always wanted?
Shine damsel, shine.

Chorus:
Burn that little poem I gave you, oh so long ago
It?s null and void, you must?ve changed your mind,
But I?ll still kiss those pretty lips,
Of that incredible girl he left behind?.

Please leave me a link for c4c, Love you all, God bless

<3333
#3
Quote by 5mok3y
sweet, definatly stealing that


what the heck dude...
Last edited by lemay15 at Aug 8, 2006,
#4
^ you know he's just kidding...i think...
Anyway, stand by for an edit and actual crit, check out mine too will you? the first link in my sig.

V1:
So hold your breath, as my troubles fill your lungs,
The anthem of a breakdown, shining in your eyes,
A one sided, full hearted, I shivered at your touch,
So leave me like you already have, forget me if you must?
Nice line, here, has good imagery and emotion, what i dont understand, "the anthem of a breakdown", arent you happy when you kiss? or is this about like a breakup?

Chorus:
Burn that little poem I gave you, oh so long ago
It?s null and void, you must?ve changed your mind,
But I?ll still kiss those pretty lips,
Of that incredible girl he left behind?.
Nice chorus here, catchy, flows good, the works.

V2:
Surrounded by nothing, you?re on top of it all?
With his picture in your frame on your nightstand,
Took the day you first held his hand,
And I wish you could forget, you?re the thing he left behind,
And I?ll never write another song about how I feel,
About how you?re always on my mind.
Nice line here, but gets a little choppy on the "took the day..." part cause i think its a bit shorter in syllables.

Bridge:
Just like the day, when you seen that sunrise you always wanted,
He had you on his shoulder, and you had him on your mind,
You seen that sunrise you always wanted?
Shine damsel, shine.
Nice here, not much to say.

Chorus:
Burn that little poem I gave you, oh so long ago
It?s null and void, you must?ve changed your mind,
But I?ll still kiss those pretty lips,
Of that incredible girl he left behind?


Final statement: This subject is so overused it isnt even funny, at first I thought i'd have to tell you that this was too cliche, but now, personally, i think you projected the feelings fairly well, even for one of these cliche songs.

P.S.: Be waiting for that in depth crit of mine too.

P.P.S.:Not really to be greedy, but if you can check out my other piece, that'd be great, if you can't np then.
Last edited by AAA_the_band at Aug 8, 2006,
#6
Yeah in this song, you've taken the usual cliche and actually made it sound a bit different. I really like it despite using that subject that everyone's taken. Great work dude.
Crit one of mine?
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#7
as others have said, you take the cliche's and turn it into artwork, i really love the line, hell i love the entire chorus....one of the better love/you ****ing left me/but i still love you.....songs ive read on here......im really digging this song.....if you get a chance can you crit my new song...... its called seven years...thanks...
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#8
thank you guys I'll be sure to crit those Im about to be late for work though. anyone else?