I know I haven't been around much, I know I haven't left any crits for those who have given me some. I'm sorry.

I don't plan on posting on here much more from now on. A close friend of mine killed himself a couple of days ago, I'm not doing too well. I'll try being a full-time regular once things are better.

Life is terrible sometimes. I've had a lot on my mind lately. These are old excerpts from my "journal"/xanga. They aren't meant to be poetic. This is going to be long, you don't have to read it, it seems like a timeline deal.

"I've Set a Date With the Infinite (farewell for now)"

Friday, October 14, 2005

I used to think that 65,121,545,195 = 121,005.. but now I'm not so sure. Sixty-five billion, one hundred and twenty-one million, five hundred and fourty-five thousand, one hundred and ninety-five people are in hell. One hundred and twenty-one thousand and five people are in heaven. Heaven is decreasing. Don't read into this. They're only numbers and I'm not so sure anymore.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

"I. U. T. B. T. W. N. G. B. I. C. N. P. T. M."

The Lord Giveth and the Lord taketh away; would I pray to myself if I took my life today? Cross out the dates in journal passages. If these numbers could talk then I wouldn't have to converse with myself. Or the walls. Or the ground. They can't hear me anyways.. I don't know why I try. I've said too much already.. The heavens are decreasing and I've held onto that theme for so damn long and I've said too much. I talk too much but I say too little. I speak with the infinite. I. don't. know. why. I've. set. a. date. with. the. infinite... Freedom perhaps? Have any of us ever been free? If numbers could talk, I'd inform the past of what the future holds. I have had visions of the world coming to an end. There was a shadow in the distance and it wasn't mine. But no matter what I've said, I want to be a memory. Please don't remember me, don't remember, don't (remember when the calendar fell of the wall? I sure as hell don't.)
[many apologies, I was under the impression that we were alone.]

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

God lends us a life, forgets about it, then takes it back years later:

My aunt/godmother just passed away.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

"God Lends Us a Life, Forgets About It, Then Takes it Back Years Later"

I called God today and had a conversation with the dial tone; maybe He hung up before 'hello' or maybe He never actually answered the phone. But it still told me what I needed to know, he either doesn't care or is never home. Away at the job? Well he needs to find one He's better suited for; like an answering machine, recording everything He's missed, even though He'd rarely see Himself blinking, informing Himself of every call. Or message. Or prayer. Or maybe He could simply be a tree. Watching the leaves fall from Himself every year and knowing there's not a thing He could do to save them before they hit the ground. Come to think of it, a tree is pretty much the same thing as a human, we all watch ourselves die a little more every year, we'll all end up on the ground or under it, it's inevitable. But for now I'll go along with whatever God decides to do, of course He'll need help from the sun and moon, but I'm sure we'll all believe that He does it on His own. I mean, He created the world, so why can't He watch over it? I'll just blame it on the clouds obscuring His view.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

"Untitled [10/24/2005]"

A parade of ghosts march in the masks of her perfume.
Fragments of the fragrance disperse and re-collect,
stealing the night and capturing their breath.

The mass is overbearing and the church sinks into the ground,
the casket is a headstone; she'd been trying to get out for years.
And now that she's gone we're left alone, we're ghosts;
silhouettes of memories that some can't quite recall.
Maybe we were never really there.

But now the wind is growing weary, the clouds have grown pale.
Even the heavens are weeping for the belated passing of its own.
The pallbearers hold the weight of the world on their shoulders,
she has graced the land.
The trees are clandestinely grateful but the wind is openly jealous.
Maybe it's just tired of feeling for her,
maybe it couldn't bear hearing the church walls lustrate her soul.

If it was going to pass away, it wasn't to go alone.
The breeze had captivated her beauty and care-free flowing hair,
proposing a secret romance within her lungs.
But she declined.
her sullen eyes seemed to know there was more to this.
I wish I knew what more there could be in one perishing.

I hate the air for whispering her sweet-nothings and last rites,
I wish I knew that she's in a better place, resting in good-byes.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

"there are cobwebs formed in(to) corners"

have you ever procrastinated,
because you didn't feel like being alive
but were too afraid of taking your life?

well don't read inbetween the lines.
there are no hidden lies.
only truths.
and i've been putting this off for far too long.

don't be afraid to achieve secret dreams.
you'll just end up procrastinating.

[shoot for the stars; they're far more glorious up close.]

Thursday, December 08, 2005

i can't handle failure well. i'm handicap.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

memorials. it's been [four] years.

... ...

Monday, March 06, 2006


there's a corpse underneath every veil.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

11:52 PM

I love this guy and I'm going to miss him.

... ...

Goodbye Tuck.
**** keeno man. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. *virtual e-hug* I honestly am so sorry. I wish all the best for his family and those who knew him.

These entries are beautiful. They're so personal and I think that's very strong of you to be able to share something so clsoe to you. I'm not going to crit the pieces like I normally would because they don't need to be changed. If you write something so personal it should never be changed.

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope things work out soon
Quote by Kensai
Maybe you've heard what the ladies say: "Once you go 77mm you don't go back"
I know I probably dont know you as well as some of the older regs and hell i'm a complete noob, but I felt that I needed to leave a comment: I am ****ing sorry for life, its bull**** that you've had to go through this and its numbingly real... I cant say anything that will change anything but know from the bottom of my heart that I am sorry, really and truly sorry...

As for the pieces, well, they werent words, they werent little twice a week little packages of proverbial bull**** posted for the sheer joy of posting, the sheer ignorance of innocence, they were beautiful. I honestly cried at the last line. All the build up of a life: time, love and pictures brought down by those very things, gone with a whisp of dead emotion, disbelief. I cried at the last line... Its the first time I have ever done that during any sort of writing...

From the bottom of my heart, I am ****ing sorry, I have nothing to say after that
Yeah Keeno, I know in S+L we conversed alot, but rarely have outside. Drop me a hey on MSN if you want a chat. I know this isn't really the time to do it, but it might be a distraction. I've always loved your writing. And actually some of this is extremely deep. I wish you all the best.

Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
Keeno. This is an excellent piece. You have a real gift to create breathtaking ideas.
Some of it I didn't too much care for, but I respected the whole thing. It was all very personal, which makes it nearly impossible not to like. You really put yourself out there with this one, and you are too articulate.

Awesome work.
Here's to things improving for you man.

It's impossible not to be touched by this.

"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

There is nothing to critique. This is by far the purest form of written emotion. The words don't hold back your feeling, as the feeling you give off with words this transcends words. Seriously, its fricken amazing.
Quote by culex-knight
Here's to things improving for you man.

Things aren't really improving a whole lot, but they're not really getting worse. Maybe. I don't know.

Thanks everybody, but please, let the thread die now. This didn't need to be bumped, though I do appreciate all of your words, I really do.

I hearts you all.