#1
so this is all from the top of my head. I hope it turns out good. C4c.

Seeing your face again
it makes me feel so strange
After all we used to be best friends
and even more

I said hello
you just stood there
Were you full pain from the memories
or did you just have nothing to say

My mouth hung open
but no words were coming out
All I could do was stare
at you standing there

I told myself I'd never do this again
I told myself that we would have to stay friends
To keep our friendship going strong
But that was the end of our love ( this is the chorus i think)

So I said goodbye like the last time
and took my walk of shame
Kim I blew it once before
But now I think I've done it again

I'll always remember you and me
at the park under the trees
So close it could've been something
because I wanted your love for nothing

repeat chorus good idea?

I never turned back to wave
or to see your face
I just wanted to get the hell outta of that place
it's just too painful to.........be..............with...................you

please let me know what you thin and C4C
Last edited by MilichichiBass at Aug 9, 2006,
#2
^ honestly, that was bad, but good. Do you know what I mean? It was good in the fact that you wrote it on a whim, but it was bad writing. The flow was pretty good, but at parts it sucked, which is a direct result from rushing your writing. The idea itself is used alot, but i dont usually pay attention to how used a SUBJECT is. The way you said it though, was very bland and boring, and more than a little cliche. You did a good job of saying what happened, but not very good at showing the emotion and feeling. I'm certain if you kept this, and worked on it a bit, maybe a bit more descriptive and a more complex scheme.


Would you check mine out? the second one in the sig preferably, but the first if you want.
thx