#1
some song, i already made kinda music for it, just need some suggestions,advices n ofcourse criticism for the lyrics, so do whatever you want, i appreciate ur comments.
...dedication to Sebbe...

Goodbye

1st v:
I looked in your eyes
I saw some sorrow
My soul cries
There is no tomorrow.
You said it's not over
I act I beleive you
I knew we led nowhere
I couldn't leave you
Bridge: I remember the moment till now
Chorus: I give a sad smile, and then you hug me
I reach for your hand, although want to be free
You making me sad, you making me cry
A tear in my eye
Just because I cant say Goodbye...

2nd v:
I hope you remember
Many years passed
When my love was tender
The time was fast.
I miss you a lot
And how about you?
I think you forgot
You said 'I love you'

Maybe you didnt
Who cares now?
You said goodbye
I said goodbye

Bridge+chorus
#2
i really like it... especially since i just broke up with my girl friend like 3 minutes ago and i feel terrible...but in the first verse "i see some sorrow" should be "i see sorrow" the "some makes it not flow at well....at first i thought the ending was terrible, untill that is i saw "Bridge+chorus" ....then i read through again w/ the bridge/ chorus....the ending is killer, what kind of music you got going? this could be a big hit....Pm me the musci if you want....

keep on keepin on...
peace out
UG's HIPPIE
#4
Good song. The only problem i had was the line 'The time was fast'. Maybe something like 'it couldnt last'? Just a suggestion.
#5
thnx Goober!!!! and Wiltheworld, i will keep ur corrections in mind.
I planed to do that song kinda acoustic, although wanted it to be heavier.
thnx Astrocreep, for the comment, im waitin for new ones, so common everybody
keep criting
#6
This has great flow. the onloy thing i think you should change is get rid of the just on the last line of the chorus.
There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.
#7
I definately agree with nevets. I think "The time was fast" should be changed to "and time flew so fast". Theres a better flow there. Also, The second line would sound better as, "and I saw sorrow." Or...something of the sort.
If to live is to die, then is to die to live? Thats a bunch of S_H_I_T.
#8
no, no, no! i want you to keep this acoustic! you dont have to if you dont want to, but ithink its great acoustic, not heavy....theres a time to have heavy songs and a time for acoustic/ clean...this is a clean, no doubt! listen to "better than me, or " lips of an angel..." by hinder, this song would sound great like that....but what you could do if you want to add some punch...put in a deep drum beat, and a second guitar with disortion, chorus, and reverb with low volume just kicking out some cool high notes in the back ground


(ex
e---
b---12--13---12---10 repeat
with about 3.5 seconds between notes
that would sound killer....

pm me again if you want...or if you have questoins or just to talk orr something

keep on keepin on!
peace out
UG's HIPPIE
#9
okay okay Mr.Goober! i will keep it acoustic, thanx man u helping me out with the song ill pm u soon