#1

Death To The Innocent

You say death to the infidel
But I hear death to the innocent
Needless acts of violence
Is all that you commit

With every single action
You alienate the world
Except those within your faction
Those who think the same

You fight to beat oppression
But with every single act
You push back your race 1000 years
That my friend is fact

Death to the infidel (innocent)
Needless violence
Death to the infidel (innocent)
Murder in cold blood

They think that it won?t happen
Quite so close to home
But you don?t care who you hit
Johannesburg or Rome?

Death to the infidel (innocent)
Needless violence
Death to the infidel (innocent)
Murder in cold blood

Bombs in London
Planes in New York
What comes next?
In your evil line of work

Death to the infidel (innocent)
Needless violence
Death to the infidel (innocent)
Murder in cold blood

Death to the infidel (innocent)
Infidel, innocent, infidel
INNOCENT!
Baaaaaaa'
#2
hey, i really like your message in this peice, although its repetitve...i like how it flows and that you stuck to a 1-2-1-2 ryming scheme....

peice out
UG's HIPPIE
#3
I love it. This isn't a subject written about alot. Excellent job. Screw the rhyme scheme. This would be good if you had a AAAA rhyme scheme. Good job
#4
Works good as a poem, but I just can't imagine it as a good song. Even if you changed it alot, the message is kind of hard to put music behind that won't sound like a joke.

But if you just imagined keeping it as a poem, then keep it as is, it will work well.
#5
Thanks, guys. I wasn't sure whether it was good as a song or not.

I wrote it last year as a reply to the bombings in London.
Baaaaaaa'
#6
I quite like it and I think it would sound good as a song (but you would need to construct it extra carefully). I find the chorus bit to be very catchy and I can see it with a great hook together with the music.

Also, good message, it's nice to see people pay attention to the world to some degree.
#7
It's a good event to write about, and you've done it well. The third stanza doesn't sound wuite right, and that last line is a bit meh. The third-to-final stanza is possibly the best here. The rhyming is better than some of the other pieces I've seen on here and they don't always use the same set of words. Good job
#8
You fight to beat oppression
But with every single act
You push back your race 1000 years
That my friend is fact

this one kinda threw me off, but still pretty good

They think that it won?t happen
Quite so close to home
But you don?t care who you hit
Johannesburg or Rome?

Bombs in London
Planes in New York
What comes next?
In your evil line of work

these two kick ass though, i love these lines! the rhyming fits perfectly

mind taking a look at mine?
#9
Quote by live2fight
this one kinda threw me off, but still pretty good


I'll admit the rhythm is a bit off but I stand by the sentiment.


Quote by live2fight
mind taking a look at mine?


Sure, although my crit skills are pooooor.
Baaaaaaa'
Last edited by demonicity at Aug 17, 2006,