#1
Steal the words before they enter my mouth
and sell them for everything you've forgotten
Thoughts of my corpse being 6 feet under still tease with your dreams
You smile in your sleep
Only to be awoken by the sound of a sweet melody on your alarm clock
And a haunting vision of my face
The same you see every time you look into the mirror that has kept you safe all these years
Well baby, vanity's on my side...
Just as time is on yours to throw away
But you keep a part of it with me
Like the picture in your bedroom that hangs on the nails edge...
You wait for it to fall
For every piece of shattered glass reminds you of the night time you so desperatley desire.
You want the moon
You want the stars
You took my life
And burried it where no one could find it
With your guilt
and your pride
You kept it secret from the world
And kept it hidden
Blah.
#2
I really like it. It reminds me of a little bit of how I feel right now about my girlfriend. Anyways, I like your word choice. 9/10

Would you do me a favor and check out mine. It's called suffocate. Thanks. I'd appreciate it.
The only ones who see the end of war, are those who die from it
#6
I do like the anti-structure and the kind of disjointed haphazzard layout of the ideas, but then ultimately this is your downfall. The flow is almost non-existant, although parts have their moments. In order to fix this I think you should abandon the anti-structure and try to break the sentences to match the syllables of those above, then it'll have a natural rhythm.
If that makes sense.

That way you still give the illusion it is jumbled, when in actual fact its quite regimented under the surface. As for the content, its pretty good, you convey the ideas well. I cant help but think the opening two lines need to come back around towards the end, kind of twist them so they seem as though she is saying them, that way you'd give the impression that everything comes around, and everything has justice in the end, its just an idea, but they are clever lines, and at the beginning they're lost, more could be made of them that is for sure. On the hole not bad at all. I'll look out for more.

peACE
Steve
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.