#1
Introduction

Picture yourself for a second, in front of a thousand screaming fans. Your band just finished a song, and the crowd is giving you a thundering applause. You just nailed that smokin' guitar solo, and one of the chicks in the crowd is holding up a sign in a Japanese dialect that roughly translates to "put a baby in me, (your name here)!" You think to yourself, "like woah...wouldn't it like, be like, so like cool if I like jumped into the like, crowd?" Taking a step forward, you prepare to leap into the crowd...

Hold it, bucko!

Your obviously either high, retarded, or simply one of the ignorant people who haven't read my article on how to jump into the crowd, because your "doing it wrong." Through this article, I'm going to explain to you how to "do it right," as well as tell you the various forms of protection involved.

C'mon, do I really need to read an article on this...

Let me respond to you in a Socrates manner...how come there are weight loss programs for fat people when its obvious that fat people could simply lose weight by eating less or working out? Alright then, lets move on. Wait a sec, you still don't believe me? Well then, I'm afraid that your what normal people call "special" and I recommend to you immediate group therapy or counseling. But anyway, I've been gigging for a couple of years and I've jumped off the stage and into the crowd many times. Sometimes successfully , other times not . So sit back, grap some Go-gurt, and read my column/artcile.

The Crowd and the Moment

This is probably the most crucial part of the whole invigorating process. First of all, you have to ask yourself, "is there enough of a crowd to catch me when I jump offstage, and is everybody standing up?" If there are four people watching you in a bar, you'd better not jump off, its common sense! There has to be a dense group of a number of people. Again, its all common sense. Just try not to get too drunk before the show starts

As for the moment, this is usually also a fairly easy part, although it takes some educated guessing. Obviously the time for jumping into the crowd is at the end of one of your songs, but what makes you think the crowd is going to catch you? If your band and or you did anything below a stellar job, the crowd could care less whether or not you fall into their arms or the cold floor.

The only real way to tell this is by the applause and enthusiasm of the crowd. If their clapping to be polite, you can bet that their usually soccer moms who could honestly rather not touch you because your yucky. But if your fans are going wild, cheering, whistling, etc., then go for it man!

Is there a time when the crowd is too wild? Yeah, usually when the drunks start throwing piss-filled beer bottles at you and try to stab each other with their forks. But don't worry, that doesn't usually happen...

Your Instrument

I'll make this quick. If you jump into the crowd with your guitar/bass still on your neck, you'll probably kill someone. Take it off!!! It's really that simple. Just put your instrument down or lean in against your amp or something.

The Stage

Before jumping into the crowd, make sure of have a clear "runway" off of the stage. There's nothing worse than running to leap off the stage and then tripping over wires, a floor cab, cables, a beer bottle, a bra...you know, whatever.

The Leap

Here's one of the most important parts, the actual jump. First of all, make sure that the distance between the stage and your audience is enough that your going to be able to make the jump. Usually, this isn't a problem.

Next, you have to decide whether or not to land in the audience with your chest or your back facing them. It's harder to land with your back facing the audience, but its recommended for women (lets just say that drunk men + boobs = don't wanna know).

Both work, so anyway, have fun and experiment!
Last edited by Hardin at Aug 11, 2006,
#2
Quote by Hardin
/your moma's fat.
Get rid of that sentence.

Quote by Hardin
(lets just say that drunk men + bobbies = don't wanna know)
you spell "boobies" with two 2 b's, 2 o's, 1 i, 1 e, and 1 s.

From a technical standpoint, it's pretty decent article. As pretty much every guide written in the last two months, it's common sense. But for complete dumbasses or 14 yr olds who have never played an actual gig (96% of UG), it's a pretty good article.
Going to Columbia University this fall! Woohoo!
Member of UGPSA: Ultimate-Guitar's Potsmokers Association
#3
I think pretty much everyone on this site except me is a dumbass anyway

jk

But anyway, this site could use at least one article like this.
#4
Decent enough article - maybe cover the different ways people can jump into a crowd and advantages/disadvantages - like why can't I just jump feet first at a woman I think I may recognise from 5 years ago? The head trauma may help her remember who I am.