#1
Sitting in a chair in the middle of a stream
Waiting for this so called American dream
Watching the bombs fly and tears cry
Hearing mothers weeping and children sleeping
As the time flies by so do I

Whats it gonna be yeaahh
Where you gonna go yeahhh ya
What are you gonna see yeahhh ya
What will I ever be yeahh ya

Don?t make me go to sleep
You cant tell me what to dream
Don?t tell me what to wear
Don?t tell me 2 cut my hair

Sitting in the sun on a hot summer day
Watching time leave me as I realize the truth


idk i was bored and wrote this tell me what you think of it


it sounds alot better with the guitar
#2
yea, im definatly sure it sounds much better with the guitar...lol
it has some points at first, but you just mixed up all your thoughts in it...like 2 last verses, i can not see any relation between them and the beginnin of the song. Anyways, it shows that you can do better then that
if you getta chance crit ma songs, peace
#4
actually, this wasnt bad haha. i was truly expectin to tear this apart, paticularly after reading the title but you actually pulled together a not-good-but-not-bad piece. the first stanza, though in an incredibly cliche 'American songesque' style actually has some great imagery, I would keep it and expand. The second stanza, meh, I'm sure it sounds better with music, I cant really crit it. the rest? scrap it now, It honestly sucks, there is nothing redeeming about the rest, its just a imature punk verse that has no substance. so ya, rebuild a different song based on the first stanza and you'll have an alright cliche american song.

crit for crit: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=412380
#5
Sitting in a chair in the middle of a stream
Waiting for this so called American dream
Watching the bombs fly and tears cry
Hearing mothers weeping and children sleeping
As the time flies by so do I

As I walk under the city street lights
I see the airplanes in their dog fights
Watching wondering if they will ever come home
But always knowing they are never alone
Sitting thinking on this summer Sunday

How do they deal with the thought of not knowing
While we just sit here and watch the wind blowing
Sitting in a chair in the middle of a stream
Waiting for this so called American dream


im only 15 this is the best i got
#6
If i can give you one piece of advice, age doesnt ****ing matter, Mike (TrigFunction) is only 15 and he just wrote a [almost] kickass story, hell I'm only 16 and I've written over 100 complete pieces. in fact both of us have won WOTM. so dude, never blame your age, it doesnt matter.
#7
first verse is ok... I really don't like the chorus though, it doesn't seem to suit it at all.... I pretty much agree with #1 synth on it, needs major work... I also agree with him about age.. It's not as much age as experience.. I don't mean this in a mean way or anything, but if you are gonna make an excuse about the writing in the song, you are better off saying "it's my first one.." or "I just started writing"... either way though, put some hard work into it, and it could come out good one day... that's the only way to get better..