#1
I…I must of done something wrong
I fell in love with someone else
While you were gone

But is it my fault
That I cant make this disicion?
I want you both
But I cant stand to hurt either one

is it wrong?
That sometimes im thinking about someone elese
is it wrong?
That I had more fun with you

I must of done something wrong
That’s making me feel like this
I must of done something wrong
That my head falls on my fist
I must of done something wrong
That a big guy like me feels so small
I must of done something wrong
I know you never loved me at all

When im with you, im happy
But I feel so terrible about it inside
But still I cant help but smile everytime I see you laughing
For you, I some one else cry

You don’t understand!
I didn’t want to do this to you
All of this was unplanned!
I didn’t want to do this to you
Believe my words because they are a promise

I didn’t want to hurt you!
But instead I killed you inside
I didn’t want to hurt you!
This was all because I believed my friends lies

I must of done something wrong
That’s making me feel like this
I must of done something wrong
That my head falls on my fist
I must of done something wrong
That a big guy like me feels so small
I must of done something wrong
I know you never loved me at all

(Bridge)
But I know I did something right
Because I met two beautiful people
But now its time
To hurt one of you… only so you can be happy
So both of you can be happy

(chorus)
I must of done something wrong
That’s making me feel like this
I must of done something wrong
That my head falls on my fist
I must of done something wrong
That a big guy like me feels so small
I must of done something wrong
I know you never loved me at all
UG's HIPPIE
Last edited by ~G{}{}BER~ at Aug 12, 2006,
#2
wow, is this a true story?, man, i liked it. good job, kind of a long read but it was really good.

hey, critting back? check out somthing, in my sig
#3
You know it's not correct to say "must of". I don't know if you were just aiming for a colloquial kind of thing, but even if you were it's still a bad way to write. It should read "must have / must've".
I really didn't like it BTW.
ρ
#4
u did do something wrong... wrote this piece of crap hahaha j/k.

very personal song. u pretty much spell everything out. maybe kinda hold back some info? i think it would be better to leave us guessing until the very end. reminds me of "the secret" by emery.

i assume its based a true event, but thats just me. i agree with amplify that it is a pretty long read.

P.S. i hate cheaters
#5
hey.... not bad, here's my two cents though...

I?I must of done something wrong
I fell in love with someone else
While you were gone

Good start, it sets the tone and everything...

But is it my fault
That I cant make this disicion?
I want you both
But I cant stand to hurt either one

Not bad, a little rewording on the last line wouldn't hurt IMO...

Rebecca is it wrong?
That sometimes im thinking about someone elese
Kay is it wrong?
That I had more fun with you

Alright, this is where my real suggestion is... the names. I don't think it fits for the type of song, it seems more like a note you posted on the fridge or something. If you removed the names, and reworded it I think it would be very good.

I must of done something wrong
That?s making me feel like this
I must of done something wrong
That my head falls on my fist
I must of done something wrong
That a big guy like me feels so small
I must of done something wrong
I know you never loved me at all

Solid chorus, I like it... I like the line you keep repeating, and the rhymes aren't bad at all.

When im with you, Kay, im happy
But I feel so terrible about it inside
But still I cant help but smile everytime I see you laughing
For you, I made Rebecca cry

Once again, I think the names should go... if you changed it to "when I'm with you, I'm happy/ but I feel so bad about it inside/ but i still can't hlep but smile when you laugh/ for you, I made her cry"... I think it comes off much better

You don?t understand!
I didn?t want to do this to you, Rebecca
All of this was unplanned!
I didn?t want to do this to you
Believe my words because they are a promise

once again, the name... also, the last line comes off really funny.. rewording it could pull the stanza together nicely..

I didn?t want to hurt you!
But instead I killed you inside
I didn?t want to hurt you!
This was all because I believed my friends lies

Good, but I think the last sentence needs to be reworded and shortened, for the sake of

(Bridge)
But I know I did something right
Because I met two beautiful people
But now its time
To hurt one of you? only so you can be happy
So both of you can be happy

Ehhhh... not big on this one. I think it's kinda dragged out, you could really shorten it up into a line or two, and have it fit nicely...

It's got potential. It's more of an emotional piece, and I find those to need a lot more revising than other kinds of songs. If you put some effort into it, I think this could really come out good.
#7
awe....sad thing, i wish someone would write songs for me
anyways good work you did, really interesting, i wonder how it will sound with music?
no crit
#8
It should be "must have" or "must've" not "must of" other than that it's pretty good.
Baaaaaaa'
#9
Quote by a-user-name
Rebecca is it wrong?
That sometimes im thinking about someone elese
Kay is it wrong?
That I had more fun with you

Alright, this is where my real suggestion is... the names. I don't think it fits for the type of song, it seems more like a note you posted on the fridge or something. If you removed the names, and reworded it I think it would be very good.

I don't know, sometimes making it really personal like that can work well it just depends on how you do it. I was coincidentally just listening to Visions of Johanna which does this well.

Overall I didn't really like it, it's quite basic, predictable and I think needs revision. Doesn't endear the threadstarter to me much either, but maybe you could use that to your advantage in some way.