i want to go back
to the way that we were
when it was us vs. the world
when it was just me and her

you told me you needed me
i was the only guy you trusted
but then you got too cool
you took out friendship and lost it

amelia you became a star
but do they know who you really are?
and does he hold you like he should
yeah does he love you like i would?

and i wish i could say
what i felt right away
and if i told you i loved you
would it **** up your day?

will you wake up and see
that all you needed was me?
well i'll be waiting for you
cause what i said, it was true.
it's good, but the rhyming was a little to meh...I dont know how to say it, but like Nursery Rhymish.

The whole AABB thing just bugs me. But i guess its just my opinion.

I like the first Verse though.
"This shit here's called Death"
"What the fuck? You mean I'm gonna hit this shit and die?"
"No Nigga! I said Deaf. You hit this and you aint gonna hear shit!"
hhaaa soulful, then i like the last bit 'i like boobies' ahhaahaaaa icing on the cake. nice song. arrogant, but nice
- tommy
Pretty good, I didnt really like the chorus though. Also, the word vs. in the first stanza didnt seem to fit. Maybe just and would kind of define a seperation between them without the extra syllable, but I dont know Im too tired to think right now. The last two stanza were really expressive, that really made the song for me. Pretty cool.
I didn't really like that you changed the rhyme scheme from an ABCB to an AABB. It kind of interrupted the flow. And maybe it's just me, but I feel when I write, I like the chorus to be the part that is radically different from the verses. Otherwise it blends together a bit too much. Besides, the chorus is really good, and is apparently the most important message of the song, so it kind of bears repeating, and it seems like you only have it once. I don't know though, that might just be the way it is arranged for now. Still, I like the chorus and the first two stanzas. I just think the end could use a little reformatting.
yea, i like the chorus too, but sometimes i feel the verse rhyming makes it a lil childish or something,appart from that the song is cool.
This is OK mate, but it's kind of dull and simple.

One thing I'd point out is the swearing, it really doesn't help unless you really have a reason for it to work.