#1
Yeah...back to writing songs...lyricly a bit poor...but this is all about the message and the music.

Eight-Teen

One man
With one hot rod
Was enough
To get her nocked up

One man
And his ex-girlfriends
Was enough
To put her life to an end

And now she's 18
And trying to survive
And now she's 18
And fighting for her life

[repeat all]
On the sixth day God created mankind, I say it is a waste of time.
My project: _simple_city
#3
Eh- Not spectacular, and it wasn't really the strongest of messages.

I guess if you haven't written for a while, then yes, that's probably what your going to come up with. Lyrically poor, nothing technical and pretty much sub-par piece of work.

I dunno. I wouldn't go back to re-writing this, I'd just forget it and start writing regularly again. Sorry for all the negativety, but.. heck. It's the truth

If you'd like to critique back, my latest can be found in my sig. Many Thanks.
#4
didnt really like it.....not much to it......kinda boring and a lame message, but you said you had written for a while and well i guess i would have come up with some poor lyrics if i stoppped for a while.....and as the person above said...leave this idea where it is, dont try to rewrite it......if you wanna put out a message, find a better message and do it a bit less to the point atleast for some messages......im not to sure what to say to this other then dont stop writing lyrics but stop at writing this song.......if you want check out my newest song "seven years"
My Gear:
Washburn Lyon Tele Copy
ESP LTD MH250NT
Samick D7-CE :
Digitech Death Metal Pedal
Dunlop Jimi Hendrix Wah
Peavy Renown Solo Series Amp
#5
This is pretty retarded. I dont think that certain parts of it are really bad, just all of it. It reminds me of some kind of anti-sex commercial, and it kind of in the same sense of mind as the anti-drug and anti-smoking commercials. You know, like show you the horrible consequences of something trivial, but not really tell you what lead up to the horrible event.