#1
I'm dying cold. Your warmth is burning out. I'm shutting open doors. You never looked and found. I'm watching life go on, turn to all shades of grey. These days like every word, in time just melt away.

All the peices, are falling down. Stars are crashing, without a sound.
All the peices, are falling down. Stars are crashing, without a sound.

All paths once were set, to rise and elevate. But now that you're gone, I may arrive a little late. I am haunted, old demons besiege me. With them I infold, reborn to rebelieve.

All the peices, are falling down. Stars are crashing, without a sound.
All the peices, are falling down. Stars are crashing, without a sound.

I am broken.
I am incomplete.
Take it all.
Take it in.
I am broke and incomplete. x2

All the peices, are falling down. Stars are crashing, without a sound.
All the peices, are falling down. Stars are crashing, without a sound. x2
#3
I'm dying cold. Your warmth is burning out. I'm shutting open doors. You never looked and found. I'm watching life go on, turn to all shades of grey. These days like every word, in time just melt away.

i like it. good imagery. many kudos.not much to change.

All the peices, are falling down. Stars are crashing, without a sound.
All the peices, are falling down. Stars are crashing, without a sound.


you are a sucker for stars, you werent kidding


All paths once were set, to rise and elevate. But now that you're gone, I may arrive a little late. I am haunted, old demons besiege me. With them I infold, reborn to rebelieve.

reborn to rebelieve = wonderful. great line. the entier stanza. wonderful. mjor props for this.

All the peices, are falling down. Stars are crashing, without a sound.
All the peices, are falling down. Stars are crashing, without a sound.

you and them godamn stars eh?

I am broken.
I am incomplete.
Take it all.
Take it in.
I am broke and incomplete. x2

not my favorite, it seems much different from the rest of the song. on the other hand, it holds its own very well.

All the peices, are falling down. Stars are crashing, without a sound.
All the peices, are falling down. Stars are crashing, without a sound. x2



all in all, i very nice, poetic piece. i enjoyed it mucho. i can tell you have been working on this for a while? great job. i enjoyed it alot. and btw, thanks for the crit on mine.
#4
I can see these words being put to some really catchy song and then having thousands of people sing along to it- that's a good thing.

The chorus has a really (and I want to stress really) good hook. The verses don't lack at all either and the only part I don't particularily like is the little bridge you have in the middle of the piece. It sounds like its out on a limb from the rest of the piece, but I can understand why it's there.

Overall, it sounds like a good song and the verses are really good poetically, though I find the chorus just really pulls it together as a whole.
#5
i thought this was good, maybe a bit short, but the flow worked and there was some good ass bits in it, i like the first stanza,

"I'm dying cold. Your warmth is burning out. I'm shutting open doors. You never looked and found. I'm watching life go on, turn to all shades of grey. These days like every word, in time just melt away."

that is damn cool.

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Quote by uk.mace
That's brilliant!


GO HUGS THREAD!!!
#6
Wow, thank you all very much for your oppinions. Everyone seems to enjoy it except for the bridge part, I agree it can be improved and made stronger. I will have to do that on my next revision. But thank you all for your kind words.