#1
Hey, i wrote this song yesterday and yes i realise its quite short, but i dunno ive kinda expressed all i need to in all it's simplicity...

Hypersomia

Chorus
If i die before i wake
I shall sleep forever.
My death becomes eternal life,
Ending this vendetta.

Verse
Living a dream
or living a lie,
What's the difference?
The truth is inside

Chorus x 2

Bridge
I won't judge your
Hypersomnia
Seize the night, if it
makes you happier

Chorus x a bajillion...
#2
change "happier" to "happy" . Just sounds better. Its too short. There's a difference between short and too short. This crossed the line. I think it is a good START to a song. Try and add more. Just see where it gets you.
If to live is to die, then is to die to live? Thats a bunch of S_H_I_T.
#3
Hey man, yea i do have a few more ideas just scribbled down that i could make more of, i'll see what i can do...

and with the happy/happier thing i was kinda struggling to make a decision between the two myself, i was thinkin it rhymed nicely with somnia but i dunno, maybe with music under it happy would sound better.

anyway, thanks!
#4
It was pretty short, but it all depends on the music you put it too and the way you sing it. I mean, a lot of radiohead songs have way less lyrics than that. The actual lyrics themselves weren't bad, they didn't blow me away, but they were pretty good. I liked the chorus. heres a link to one of mine if you want to crit it
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=413031