#1
i have no ider if this any good or even spelt right.
so crit plz

Brunet hair and a kill shot
V1
I can?t stand your eyes and the smile I have grown to hate
Resentment and love, all rolled in to one
Nightmares and dreams,
I can?t tell the difference, it all the same
With a life blood that drips away like a tires on her face
And blood shots that eyes I can?t take
And replaces the smile I hate
But I hate you more this way
She whips the tries away and Life resides in her hart again
And she had no idea of my failed path.

Chorus
Brunette hair and a kill shot
Crying eyes and a Blood shot smile

V2
The time it takes to make her see
(I?m running out of time)
Run away form my dreams and she?s all ways there
(I had a dream about her last night)
Now you see what?s killing me
And there nothing to hold on to any more
You?re losing your self and I?m gone.
And when all said and done,
Her scarlet brown eyes, still raw from the tears
And her lips still saw form the constant biting
To prolong her fighting
And when she?s not looking
She will surrender to the pain

Chorus
Brunet hair and a kill shot
Crying eyes and a Blood shot smile.
#2
I REALLY liked the chorus' but in my opinion the versus were a little long and not very flowy. the chorus' on the other hand were short and sweet good job on that
#3
I thought the song was really good. I liked the verses personaly and could see how they could be sung to a melody. The first verse had a really good flow to it. Ex. the line
Resentment and love, all rolled in to one

Very well done.
#4
Guess you don't like her much huh. I liked it though, the chorus was too short, and verses too long.
epiphone LP Custom
No amp yet, I just got back in the game.
Had a Gibson LP Studio, Mex Tele, Mex Strat, Blues Deville, and mg50. But thanx to my lovely wife, not locking the door, they all vanished
#5
good chorus.
I've seen emo-er.


Member of the "I am a Fan of Gaycore Wrestle-Metal" Fanclub.
#8
Brunette hair and a kill shot, crying eyes and a bloodshot smile.-that's wonderful. keep writing.
#11
Well done. I found it catchy and intriguing and now I'm really curious to know if you've got music for it yet. I'd like to hear it. Keep up the good work!
REVENGE
#12
nah man i dont have music, i play bass and i dont have me a band at the moment