#1
Ill crit for crit peeps. I played this song to my dad and he didn't like it. So... I think it is okay, but i wanna see what ppl think of it.

When Nobody Cares(part one)

What do you see when you turn of the light?
The darkness of night, or the light of the day?
Close my eyes, and I know it's all gone for now.
But you're still here Reaper of My Mind.
When I have no way at all to get away from you,
I'd say you're just a thought, then I'd lie to myself.

Then... a cry from afar, a story of love.
When words cannot express their meaning.
Then a dream thought in the minds of those who didn't,
those who will never understand...
and whenever I'm gone, nobody will care.

What do you know when nothing surronds you?
Your mind says, "No. It's all a lie."
Insanity and fear taking over you now.
Yet you're still here Reaper of My mind.
Soul protector of Lover Underestimated.
And you're not a thought, cos' you're as real as my fears.

Then a secret by dawn, lies by dusk
The regrets of keeping, what should have been said.
Then your dream swallowed by those who never,
those who will never know...
cos, whenever I'm gone, nobody will care.
I HAVE A BAND NAMED FALLING CONFESSIONS
AND I PLAY LEAD GUITAR
AND I P0WN!!!



"When there's a freakin' will, there is always a freakin' way!"
Last edited by Prodigy999 at Aug 14, 2006,
#2
well I don't tihnk it's too bad. The last line kinda brings it down a notch for me. I don't know what kinda song this is or anything so I think it kinda depends on how its played and sung. But all in all I don't think it is too too bad, but I don't think it really stands above the rest either.
#3
yea i thought that too. it sounds better with the acoustic guitar. it has an awesome solo.
I HAVE A BAND NAMED FALLING CONFESSIONS
AND I PLAY LEAD GUITAR
AND I P0WN!!!



"When there's a freakin' will, there is always a freakin' way!"
#4
This is good throughout, do good job,

BUT, yeah, theres a but, anyway, the last line is so lame i cant believe i actually read it,(not to be mean), it sounds so lame cliche and every other bad word you can think of. But other than that, good.

Can you check mine? the first link in my sig.
thx
#5
Quote by AAA_the_band
This is good throughout, do good job,

BUT, yeah, theres a but, anyway, the last line is so lame i cant believe i actually read it,(not to be mean), it sounds so lame cliche and every other bad word you can think of. But other than that, good.

Can you check mine? the first link in my sig.
thx


So... um if you don't mind me asking what should i do about the last line?
I HAVE A BAND NAMED FALLING CONFESSIONS
AND I PLAY LEAD GUITAR
AND I P0WN!!!



"When there's a freakin' will, there is always a freakin' way!"
#6
^meh, to be honest, i don't know, it just seems like it ruins the whole song, its just seems to be buried in self pity to me, i mean thats kind of the theme of the song i guess, but that line just ruins it for me.
#7
Pretty good, but a few parts were really lame. The last line for example, as well as the Reaper of My Mind thing, and the whole night and day thing has been done to death also. Otherwise it was pretty good, and I noticed some really original wordings and such, so I can see that your not limited by experience to cliches and stuff like that which were in your writing, so I would just give this kind of thing s bit more time.
Trying to get out of a writers block. Help?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=414947
Thanks!