#1
As you can see, I've lost whatever ambition/writing abilities I had. I'm still good for a return crit, though .

p.s. this looked much cooler typed on my graphing calculator.

The farther away it gets
The more I realize it's just the feeling I miss
And it was never worth waiting
For you to come sit with me again

Days that wouldn't end
In a year that still won't exist
But the farther away it gets
The closer I need it
-Landon
Last edited by Vicious Sid at Aug 14, 2006,
#2
Quote by Vicious Sid
As you can see, I've lost whatever ambition/writing abilities I had. I'm still good for a return crit, though .

p.s. this looked much cooler typed on my graphing calculator.

The farther away it gets
The more I realize it's just the feeling I miss
And it was never worth waiting
For you to come sit with me again
Meh, good line here, the flows rocks.

Days that wouldn't end
In a year that still won't exist
But the farther away it gets
The closer I need it
Good here too.


WOw, i dont know why i wasted time with a full crit lol, anyway, nice job overall, maybe extend it a bit, i can see this being a great song.


can you check out mine? the first link in my sig.
thx muxh
#3
It's pretty cool. It gets the emotion you want to portray the most across which is always good.


Feel free to crit any in my sig
#4
Good, short and sweet.

But I feel that you could have given a stronger ending instead of re-stating the same idea. Either show it in a stronger way or change it so that the piece builds up to that conclusive feeling.

That's pretty much all I can say with such a short piece. It was... nice :P
#6
hmm, I am dead exhausted right now but to me this seems like a very good piece here. I paticularly like how you pulled off the abstract so well without making it seem like complete proverbial bull**** like most people do (me included). Nice off and internal rhyming too, very well done. This is probably the best a poem on this subject and length can get and props for writing on the graphing calculator!

I agree with your avatar by the by, and if you wanna: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=415442
#9
This isn't dead yet.
I must say I do like the simplicity, short and sweet definetely. Yet it is effective, indeed, why waste words if you can say the same thing with less? Reminded me slightly of Morrissey.
Take a peek at mine if you are returning: 'My First Love Song' - in my signature.

Alex
"You can never quarantine the past."
#10
This is a really cute little piece. Not your best, but I like it lots. Works well as such a short work as well

I don't really have mcuh to say about it
Quote by Kensai
Maybe you've heard what the ladies say: "Once you go 77mm you don't go back"
#13
Landon, we haven't met properly, yet I feel compelled to beat the hell out of you for this one.

You took a nice piece and hung an AWESOME title on it. I was disappointed when that level your sardonic wit didn't appear again in the body of the work. Severe anti-climax because of that title.

That's all I have for you. No return crit would have been expected, even if I had a current work.

Cheers,
SYK
Meadows
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