#1
hey me once more, i still cant speel so if there is any mistacks in there plz try to ignore them, and there a line in there "And see the hart the fall in love with you" that im not sure about so plz crit.

The angelic face of temptation
The line I wished to cross
So many times before
I?d say it?s anything but easy
Facing the hush realty
Of going on out with out you.
Pleas look pass me
And see the hart the fall in love with you.
Isn?t funny how you make me wish I was someone else.
While your ling awake at night
Dwelling on thoughts you?ll never know,
Of memory?s and lies, hopes and dreams that fade,
Like day light as I fall asleep with out you in my life again.

I can?t begin to describe,
How much I?d love to see cry.
Just from the outside, and breath in.
I can?t begin to describe
How much I?d love to see you cry.

The words you think I don?t here,
But they hurt like hell,
Because you know to much,
But it?s properly my fault.
And runny away only gets me so far,
I fall apart and I still come back,
I would love to hate you, but can?t bring my self to,
It seems as thow this is as far as we get,
The unbearable frustration in your voice,
The smiles that you fake,
Its saying no, but I can?t stop the voices screaming yes.
And you don?t believe me.
And I die at the words you say,
But im to far gone to have this mean anything,
And I can?t say what I feel,
Trying to for get you

I can?t begin to describe,
How much I?d love to see cry.
Just from the outside, and breath in.
I can?t begin to describe
How much I?d love to see you cry.
#3
good work, maybe add a catchy bridge in there but altogether its a good song.

I know you said ignore the spelling but next time write your song in word and use spell check
Michael Balzary aka Flea

The B.A.B of Muse Idolisation Brotherhood. PM Glen_Hansard or sadistic_monkey to join.

Member #19 of the John Frusciante and RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS UG fanclub. PM IpodInaBottle to join.
#4
yeah that what i do but sometimes im that far off i dont do much lol