#1
Wrote this one last night during, well, another restless night. This song kinda puts my frustration into words. It's kinda different from the style i'm used to writing, specially the first two verses. But see what you think. See if you can figure it out. leave link.

It's almost earie
how everithing becomes the same.
A whole year passed, right?
You look back and nothing has changed.
The same frustration,
the same longing for future light.
I'ts so hard to take,
becouse it feels like the same night.

Ant at the same time,
you see how things have changed so fast.
Cause a year ago,
the future was what is now the past.
That fading winter,
that brings smiles as much as tears,
of what was once pure,
and still is, but won't be again.

Looking out my window,
at the shadows of the night.
They were once silhouettes
of you and me together.
Looking out my window,
I see the trees feel the breeze,
but i cant feel it myself.
I'd only dreamt forever.

December, come back.
I'll endure your bitter cold now.
If my warmth returns,
I understand you, your meltdown.
I just need you here,
It's so hard to keep me alive.
Without you, i fear,
the ice melts, i have to dive.

Blood, tears, love, hope, faith.
Pray for another miracle,
cause that's what it was.
Two heartbeats became just one soul.
And they're still that way.
The sixth year just as the fifth one,
will bring with winter,
you and me, hand in hand again.

Looking out my window,
at the shadows of the night.
They were once silhouettes
of you and me together.
Looking out my window,
I see the trees feel the breeze,
but i cant feel it myself.
I'd only dreamt forever.

Spoken or maybe whispered: I'ts just like before, it's the same, but its so different, it can be the same again...
Last edited by AmplifySilence at Aug 17, 2006,
#2
awsome...i know the feeling....sounds alot like "last night again" by uncle kracker...cept yours is sooooooo musch better lol....hate kracker....anyway...i didnt see anything wrong cept "Looking out my window,
at the shadows of the night.
They were once silhouettes
of me and you together.
Looking out my window,
I see the trees feel the breeze,
but i cant feel them myself.
I'd only dreamt forever."

in that verse you needa change the wording instead of looking out my window twice (doesnt flow that greaat) you could change tghe second to some thing like "looking from the (window) sill"

other than that, great song...keep on keepin on

peace out

ps check out my songs "break up" and "the man in black" they arent in my sig...but if you search me you can find it
UG's HIPPIE
#4
really nice, i think it would go really well over a rennisance acoustic type tune,

but maybe more of a poem than a song
#5
I always have a hard time with these kind of songs, deciding wether to use acoustic or like a softer Nu Metal... but it is a song
#6
it would sound pretty good as an acoustic song i think... but you could use like a numetal disorted guitar as a rythm or something....
UG's HIPPIE
#7
i thought it was a good song, it had a great feel to it, which i (and a lot of others) can relate to. still i found some things that i didnt really like,
''Cause a year ago, the future was what is now the past.'' i think ive heard that line (or something like that) too many times before, also the lines with the ''.....again'' and ''..same..''
the repetition of repetition just didnt work for me. Still it was enjoyable to read, nice job
And what is more, there's been a bloody purple nose and some bloody purple clothes that were messing up the lobby floor. It's just apartment house rules so all you 'partment fools remember : one man's ceiling is another man's floor.
#9
to Mr. Y's comment: i noticed the repetition of "same" as i typed it up, but decided to keep the original that i wrote last night, the first two verses were kinda just emotions and frustrations as my pencil bled, the rest i kinda thought about...
and thanx to all
#11
It's almost earie
how everithing becomes the same.
A whole year passed, right?
You look back and nothing has changed.
The same frustration,
the same longing for future light.
I'ts so hard to take,
becouse it feels like the same night.
Nice use of a short line, then long line, makes it interesting. However, I feel the flow has been disrupted a bit. Also, I know exactly what you're saying, as I feel this way sometimes.

Ant at the same time,
you see how things have changed so fast.
Cause a year ago,
the future was what is now the past.
That fading winter,
that brings smiles as much as tears,
of what was once pure,
and still is, but won't be again.
Same here really as the last verse. I know what you mean too, I feel that too sometimes, believe it or not.

Looking out my window,
at the shadows of the night.
They were once silhouettes
of you and me together.
Looking out my window,
I see the trees feel the breeze,
but i cant feel it myself.
I'd only dreamt forever.
Meh, don't know about this line, I mean, i know what you're saying, about missing the past, but the reference to a girl is kind of off putting, seems a little more, i don't know, childish. But i love the line about the trees, and you DID weave the line about the girl in very well.

December, come back.
I'll endure your bitter cold now.
If my warmth returns,
I understand you, your meltdown.
I just need you here,
It's so hard to keep me alive.
Without you, i fear,
the ice melts, i have to dive.
Good here, same rhythm. I kind of took this as a, I'd rather feel a bit of pain as long as I get something back.

Blood, tears, love, hope, faith.
Pray for another miracle,
cause that's what it was.
Two heartbeats became just one soul.
And they're still that way.
The sixth year just as the fifth one,
will bring with winter,
you and me, hand in hand again.
Again, the reference to the girl is open, but i take back my earlier statement, you made it work.

Looking out my window,
at the shadows of the night.
They were once silhouettes
of you and me together.
Looking out my window,
I see the trees feel the breeze,
but i cant feel it myself.
I'd only dreamt forever.


Overall, nicely done, maybe a few flow issues unless im reading it wrong, but overall, nice.

Appreciate if you'd see mine, first in my sig.
#12
Nice song you wrote here. Myself personally and I'm pretty sure countless others can relate to this. You said what we all have felt. I thought it was very well written and meaningful. Good job, man.

Crit mine please

Roadmap
Last edited by themarsvolta at Aug 17, 2006,